tommato and the hospex world

Origin and solution of prejudices

2009-06-26T13:32:00.003+02:00

Very interesting article by Adia!

http://www.hospitalityguide.net/hg/wiki/index.php?title=Intercultural_Exchange

In the Robber's Cave experiment, Sherif et al. conducted an experiment with two groups of boys at a summer camp in the Robber's Cave national park. In the first phase of the camp the randomly assigned groups formed fostered friendships and group unity in the group. During the second phase they successfully demonstrated that the boys developed even more hostility and prejudice towards the other group, when they had to compete in a series of sporting events for a scare resource (a 5$ price). After this phase both groups saw themselves as superior and referred to the other group as inferior and described them in negative attitudes. In the final phase of the camp, Sherif et al. tried to reduce the prejudice they produced between the groups during the competition, and even before when they first heard of each other.

Firstly they decided to try to reduce the prejudice with Allport's classic contact hypotheses and brought the groups together. According to the contact hypothesis, bringing groups in contact should result in prejudice reduction, as in many cases prejudice and stereotypes are based on ignorance and inadequate knowledge about the other group through lack of contact. Therefore, bringing the two groups of boys together should reduce prejudice and result in the formation of intergroup friendships. Sherif et al. brought them together at the dinner table and other occasions. Unfortunately, this did not reduce the prejudice between the groups. It even fostered the prejudices and stereotypes that the boys had about each other and resulted in even more fights between the two groups.

In order to successfully reduce the existing prejudices and stereotypes the boys had, Sherif et al. introduced a so called ‘superordinated goal’. They speculated that when the goals of two groups are compatible, the attitudes towards the other group should be more tolerant by blurring the lines between ingroup and outgroup membership. In order to archive this goal, the two groups had to cooperate and work together in a series of introduced incidents. The groups managed to accomplish the incidents, while Sherif et al. noticed a dramatic decline and even absence in hostility between the groups.

Throughout the years subsequent research, in the lab and field, has produced data that is supportive of the realistic conflict theory. It is supportive in regard to the origin of prejudice and stereotypes as well as for the reduction of them. However, this might not be as easy as the Robber's Cave experiment would lead to assume. Nevertheless, the available data indicates strong support for the efficacy of cooperative (learning) groups in reducing intergroup stereotyping and prejudice and therewith, arguable, one of the underling factors of discrimination.

HC cartoons

2009-02-28T21:06:00.002+01:00

http://www.webcomicsnation.com/sigurdas/hospitalityclub/series.php?view=archive&chapter=36594

So funny, so true!

And there is even a parody of myself!
(or better of what gossip said...)
Spot it out!

[whitepaper] Matching hosts and guests, direct messages or public forums

2009-02-28T14:02:00.004+01:00

New article of the whitepaper category.

It's a long time that the software platform of the hospex communities is almost unchanged.
HC because there is nobody to attend to it and just waiting the moment to rest in peace
CS because they are having too much fun at Collectives and at the Base Camp
BW because they have something better to do and too much to discuss
MMP because they have few resources and busy lives

Let me say something based on my 15 years long experience in software development and analysis: software systems like hospex communities are not really so big softwares. The amount of the codebase, counted in code lines, it's not so big. It may take less than one month/developer to write one new full working system from scratch.
The real value of these systems is the big usability test and analysis refining that have been done for years by the hospex communities' members.

Also let me say, that sometimes developing a new feature or a fix that's very useful and waited for since long time, may cost just few hours of a programmer and can save thousands of hours of troubles of the users. In case of communities such as hospex communities, I dare to say, few hours of programmers will be worth millions of hours of less troubles.
Because, and this is the nice thing about software, once you develop and you deploy the add or the fix at the code base, it will keep in place and will be used virtually forever by all the user base. So it's value it's immediatelly multiplied by the number or beneficing users and the days of future usage of that features.
Imagine, for instance, how would you think about using such communities without the meetings feature of CS. It makes so easy invite people and manage participating users, keep them informed etc. That's IMHO one of the features that makes expert members use CS more than HC. The meetings feature of CS has been really very well designed, actually it's way better than events on facebook.
In a future article I might compare the hospex communites and facebook and make some forecasts on the future.

But the focus of this article is about the matching of hosts and guests.
First of all, for who didn't read it yet, I would like you to read my first whitepaper, written and reviewed with Kasper Souren:
Technical ideas for different ways for looking for accomodation/meetings.

As you can see, in may 2006, I had already focused on one concept, that I subsequently developed more, till reaching this motto:

The best host for every guest, the best guest for every host!

You might have read already about this my manifesto, anyway let me summarize the goals and the desired effects of this project:
- best hospex experiences for both guests and hosts
- less fallout rate for hospex members
- less controversial or unpleasant experiences
- less need for moderation and supervision

I am mostly talking about a system the uses some kind of Artificial Intelligence for matching the potential hosts and guests, or people to meet anyway. This can be done in several ways, it might imply a kind of compatibility scoring and it might also take in consideration the several individual styles of practicing the hospitality exchange (just crashing at someone's/giving a place to crash, having a deep cultural exchange, COOKsurf, partying together till late night, having personal intimate connections, practicing languages, showing around the city, being the only guest, being at someone's place while other guests are there too, organizing dinners or potlucks, attending local meetings, ...)

But let's step back in year 2000 and let's see how were the first hospex communities:
there was a database of members and people might browse individually each profile of the city they are planning to visit, after maybe a rough selection by a search function, then write internal messages to individual members they like (most of the time copying and pasting the same text), asking advice, hospitality, meetup, infos, ... The internal message whould have generally forwarded to the receiving member mailbox by email.
Well, you might think now: this is the way it's working even now!

Exactly, you figured it out correctly. It never changed since the beginning. :))
And it won't change so quickly, since there will be a AI matchmaking system, based on the selections I mentioned before and much more.

So people will always have to write 100 messages to have 10 replies and in order to do this they would probably copy-and-paste more or less the same text to all recipients. Understandable. Nobody has plenty of time in this rushy world, especially who is traveling and has to visit cities, not to spend time in costy internet cafés.

As the guest is the person traveling, he will be then (most of the time) the member originating the message conversation. The recipient, the host, might answer or not, penalizing his response rate (tricky feature in CS).
He might also answer a quick "No, sorry." or an articulated canned response.
No guidelines on this yet.

I actually like the straightforwardness of GFL in this topic. No % of answers. No pretending of direct emails. There is a simple list of members, you can read the descriptions and the infos in a grid, select the ones that you might consider as a host and then send directly the same email to all of them. It won't be bad at all, especially if would be written automatically the number of recipients the email is sent to. But we know, HC and CS are sometimes hypocritical. :))

Let's go back to our main topic: to achieve 1 hospitalityexperience we need generally hours of browsing profiles, writing emails and replies from the prospect guest. But we have to count also the time of reading and maybe replying by the prospect hosts, even the ones who are not available or who won't anyway agree to the hospitality or who are dismissed by the guest if he found someone better.
What I mean is there is a big expense of time behind one experience, especially if we don't want any host or any guest. And this expense of time is for the whole community, not just for the two members involved.
The two phases where there is bigger expense of time are the search and selection among several profiles and the reading of messages by the several hosts contacted.

I might mention also one other point:
as it was written on a german magazine who was comparing HC and CS, CS tends to bring members naturally to a "dating schema", because, having a better description of its members, several photos etc, pushes people on selecting prospect hosts or guests by similarities, let's say an inner expectation of clicking with the each other and spending good times together. Instead HC, with his bare profiles, tend to bring people to open to the unknown, to the experiences that open your lifeview and make you know the world, not just what you know already and you like already.
To stick to our point, the selection is firstly made on the perceived compatibility or interest in the host's profile, then is made by the host by the same criteria on the guest's profile plus his own availability in those specific dates.

In fact the settings Yes, No, Maybe (and more Coffee or Drink and Definitely on some communities) that shows on the profile if the host is available, being them manually updated, refers to the period and the general attitude, not to the specific days.
Think for instance of a perfect matching guest and host who won't match just because the guest is planning the travel 2 months in advance and at that time the host is busy with exams and set on his profile "No, don't ask", even if in few weeks he will set it again to "Yes".
I quickly demostrated you as the current system (as it is in HC and CS at least) is not prefectly functional and a calendar (as the one in GFL) would be the best. Especially it would deal perfectly with people able to host on weekends or different days, people who want to show their "booked out" status for some interval of dates or people who travel often, as actually hospex members do.
Think about a calendar on each person profile where you show dates in a grid: in each cell you show the status (Yes, No, Maybe, Traveling, Definately, Coffee or Drink, ....) and beside a small number that shows the number of requests the member received for those days and the number of guests he confirmed for that day. Each cell would be by default in Maybe status, since the user would change its status manually by selecting one or more cells. If there will be some shortcuts to set the status a whole interval of dates (starting by - to) or some quick selections like weekends, weekdays, holidays, ... I'm sure users will use that. Inactive users will just keep the dates in Maybe status, that's not bad, being it in fact the correct status.
I bet you like the idea. Now make it real, if you are a programmer of an hospex community! :))

Time to go beck to the current reality!
Should I mention the problems that people have when they are visiting a city where there are too many potentially available hosts? Do you know how to select among 400, 500, 2000 profiles? And how many people to write to? And what if many of them answer positively?
Even more complicate when you receive a hospitality request well in advance, you accept it and then, before the guests' arrival date, you receive an other request, for the same dates, that you don't want to miss, for personal reasons, for expectations of a better connection or any other reason you might find important for you. (In Rome they solved it quite easily, they accept everybody and few days before they dismiss all but the preferred guests giving any random excuse, like grandma in the hospital or anything else.) This makes often a big mess, especially if also some guests do the same, confirm multiple hosts just in case and actually select at last minute.
Believe me, this is not a way to make a community work for fair people, this works for tricky people, both guests and hosts. Why not favouring the good behaviour?

There is also a general problem: missing a potential good hospex experience because the guest didn't have time or didn't think it was correct to write hundreds of request, so missing his potential host profile, there is no way that he can contact the prospect guest first, not knowing at all about his arrival (this is solved in MMP, that implements the "My Next Trips" feature, based on my analysis).

So, the disadvantages of the current system are:
- big expense of time for searching compatible and available hosts by the guests
- need of copying-and-pasting several emails to potential hosts
- big expense of time for reading requests and replying to them
- missing potential hosts because of too many members in a city or because of the status setting at the moment of the search and not at the moment of the actual visit
- selection based on the potential affinity or compatibility, as perceived by the guest and subsequently by the host
- lots of emails going back and forward
- problems to deal with situations of overlapping guests and multiple hosts
and more.

May I say something without being silly?
There is already an other system that overcome ALL these problems. Yes, there is.
Of course it might have several other problems but it works quite well in avoiding all these problems mentioned before.
Which is it?

The local forums/groups of areas/cities.

The prospect visitor of the area writes well in advance or few days before his arrival and people from the area might browse the group, get interested by the request or the profile and contact the member offering accommodation or meetup or infos etc.
The only problem is that people should get used (or forced) to unjoin the groups of citites or areas since they visited it. Or maybe just allow people to write to geographical groups whithout belonging to them, so the member of the groups would be just the local hospex members.
Having these little practical problems, instead of fixing them (which would require the activity of analysts and programmers) members found a workaround and rapidly spread the habit to create some "SOS groups" where is allowed to post last minute hospitality requests and banning such requests in normal local groups, effectively not leaving any space for early requests.

Talking generally, in software development world, when users find some workaround and set external usage rules, it means clearly that the analysis of the software has to be revised and completed, because there is a big unanalysed need.

Furthermore, the local groups have a good advantage to the old geographical database of continents, countries, regions, cities: they are manually made and they refer to the actual situation of the places. If a person lives in a small village very very near to a big touristic city, for instance, he won't receive any request if he registers under the name of the small city.
As in the modern world we have good transports, I think that the concept of city is almost dead, we have instead the concept of "interest area".
A very clear example of this is my region: a visitor staying at a host's place in Padova (that's a different city) near the train station might arrive in the center of Venice quicker than a guest that stays at a host's place in Venice but in a very remote district.

So what about forgetting about the administrative and geographical organization of the world and letting people just join different groups (let's say networks, in facebook style) and specify if their membership is as a person living there (specifying the distance to the interest point in public transport like "10 mins walking, then 20 mins train then 10 mins walking" and maybe the time of the last public transport at night), passing there in usual life (working? friends? family? holiday house?) or just a temporary membership as a visitor (starting by the -, till the -).

What about having each member being guided to join at least one local group/network as a resident (except people long time travelling) ? This will solve the problem of members who, despite being active, didn't explore yet the potential of the local groups.

Let me point out on thing: the local groups were not planned specifically by the creator of the sites by just by the real users. In HC there are very general ones, for the continents. In CS it was just a side effect of the general groups created, but allowing users to create sub-groups, people created the geographical structure themselves! In MMP people created themselves freely, in facebook style.
As they were not created by the admins but just spontaneously created by people they are the expression of a real need and I would work a lot more in the direction of improving them and avoiding any workaround.

Last point: mixing in local groups locals and visitors isn't is exactly in the style of hospitality, having guests in the groups, allowing new ideas and new cultures to come in, put seeds, make them grow, have cultural exchanges, speak many languages (not just "international" english), ...
Look at local Erasmus student groups, like AEGEE's antennas, and you'll see something working very well. Just put people together and everybody will bring the best of themselves.

Thanks for reading. I hope it gave you some interesting inputs.
Any comment is welcome!

28.02.2009, tommato

[The bad guest's dictionary] Cleaning is not my business

2008-09-27T13:05:00.005+02:00

Cleaning is and has always been a big problem.

I could tell you hours about the kind of dirt I found out after guests' visits.

I can tell you for instance when a mother with two children left shit (yes, real shit) over the tablet of the WC. When I called her on the phone and I mentioned to check her children because they don't clean the WC, she sayd "oh no, it's me who has some problems with intestine..." :oooo

The room I gave them was completely covered by sand and other dust, incredible.

Or maybe I can mention when I found some batteries in the WC.

A clumsy attempt to properly dispose the battery? :))

Or when I found some used tampons under the WC.

Oh yes, in the WC can be dangerous, but still the guest prefer to hide the dirt under something than dispose it in the proper bin.

You can imagine the happiness of my girlfriend when she saw such things and when she had to clean up before and after using the toilet or the bath tub.

Recently I posted a big sign on the bathroom door specifying that is required to clean after the use. It's written exactly what: floor, basin, WC and bath tub. And it's written how.

There are sponges, soaps, mop.

Nevertheless, this is the result:

Are you curious on who was the responsible?

A young american girl, not particularly clever person, she even said out loud that she prefers hostels but she joined hospex communities because she is completely broken and of course she didn't bring any gift, didn't bring any food when we ate together (even if she was going to restaurants when she has meals on her own), she didn't help in any cleaning and the room after her stay was a mess.

And I will clean. Who else? :))

Sad to say, but young americans often think like this.

And don't keep in touch at all after the stay.

No friend add in facebook, no add in skype, no emails.

No need, what can they have more from you?

No shame of being egocentrical, ecoistic, materialistic.

Maybe some other people (americans but mostly europeans, asians, ...) have the culture and the tradition that tells them how is proper to behave.

I find often such young americans like spoiled children.

And I feel used, wouldn't you?

Da amica a nemica, la peggiore esperienza di hospex: vandali americani

2008-08-12T20:31:00.009+02:00

Il post di oggi è uno sfogo. Uno sfogo da una grandissima arrabbiatura che ho preso negli ultimi giorni e che mi sento di condividere con i miei affezionati lettori.

Come voi tutti sapete, sono in pensione. Intendo pensione da hospex. :))
Qualcuno lo potrà chiamare pre-pensionamento, ma, vi garantisco io, è una pensione dorata e mi piace proprio.
Prima di tutto perché essere attivo nella community hospex veramente ruba molto tempo.
Almeno se lo si fa come lo facevo io, leggendo attentamente email e profili, tenendo i contatti, qualche chat, aiutando veramente gli ospiti, fornendo informazioni generali (sempre le stesse cose ripetute a tutti...) e personalizzate, mostrando la città, cenando assieme, facendo festa assieme, invitandoli alle attività con i miei amici, ...
Secondo perché ci sono vari elementi della vita di un hospex attivo che tendono a portarlo fuori dalla strada maestra della propria vita.
Ne potremmo parlare a iosa e forse questo sarà proprio il tema di un mio prossimo post ("hospex fa male, ora vi dico perchè").

Torniamo a bomba. Dicevo, sono in pensione.
Non ho profili sulle maggiori community di ospitalità e non ospito più solo perché mi viene chiesto.
Ho MOLTI meno ospiti, ma certo non ho cambiato la mia attitudine all'ospitalità.
Per esempio ho spesso amici (ed ex-guest) che mi vengono a trovare, per pochi o molti giorni.
Oppure ho amici di amici che mi contattano per conoscermi e passare qualche giorno con me.
Tutt'altra cosa, ovviamente, quando c'è una conoscenza comune, siccome dico ben chiaro ai miei amici quali sono i miei criteri e il mio concetto di ospitalità, se l'amico mi manda cattiva gente, ovviamente mi perde come amico e idem al contrario se io dovessi trattare male i suoi amici.
Una garanzia ben maggiore.

Ma quale è il mio concetto di ospitalità, quello che ho sintetizzato dopo quattro e più anni?
Beh, per me è il concetto dell'amicizia, del rispetto e dell'apertura all'altro.
Non ha senso ospitare qualcuno che so già non diventerà mai mio amico, qualcuno che magari mi mostra un sorriso ipocrita mentre è a casa mia e poi, appena uscito, non mi parla più e taglia tutti i ponti compreso facebook.
Quindi al giorno d'oggi io ospito persone con cui ritengo che, in virtù di una amicizia pregressa o di una conoscenza comune, ci possa essere una amicizia futura.
Non mi interessa far risparmiare soldi alla gente.
E sarebbe anche un progetto impossibile, con tutti i turisti che ci sono a Venezia ogni giorno.

Per esempio ho ospitato e sono ancora in contatto con Sergiy e Iliana, Davide e Laurel, Clement, Edgaras e Ausrine (per la 5a volta?), Brankica (per la 3a volta), Matteo, Elita, la sorella Iolanta e i loro genitori, .... e sono davvero contento di essere amico di ciascuno di loro.

Casa mia è diventata più casa e meno ostello.
E si sta molto ma molto meglio.
E ci si sente molto ma molto meglio. Meno usati, almeno.

E qui è stato il mio sbaglio. Il mio errore.
Ho creduto che qualcuno mi fosse veramente amico e gli ho dato fiducia.

Questa è la storia di una amicizia falsa o forse mai esistita.
E di una delusione grandissima.

Nel settembre 2007 ricevo una email da una ragazza di Los Angeles, J.
Parla italiano e ha trovato il mio email su HC.
Mi scrive una email molto lunga, interessante, in italiano quasi perfetto, dimostra di essere una ragazza colta e educata, sembra una persona di quelle che ti fa piacere avere tra i tuoi amici.
Lei viene a Venezia per una settimana, per un incarico di lavoro.
Le rispondo, rimaniamo in contatto e viene ospite a casa mia.
Le mostro la città, le do le informazioni fondamentali per orientarsi nella città e per svolgere il suo incarico di lavoro che va a gonfie vele.
Durante il suo soggiorno ovviamente lei ha poco tempo libero ma qualche volta riusciamo a cenare tutti assieme, anche con gli altri ospiti.
Ricordo soprattutto una coppia, D. e F., parigini, che poi lei incontrerà l'anno successivo a Parigi, dopo aver ripreso i contatti con loro proprio subito prima di andare a Parigi.
E ricordo molto bene una cena, dove invitai anche F., un altro hospex veneziano, famoso per il suo sorriso onnipresente, quasi a volersi far perdonare qualcosa.
Beh, avendolo frequentato anche personalmente, senza ospiti attorno, ho potuto vedere anche il suo lato serio, e mi era piaciuto.
Quella volta J., pur avendo avuto una risposta positiva e tempestiva da parte mia, aveva comunque il contatto di questo F. tramite una conoscenza hospex comune e quindi si sentiva "in dovere" di passare del tempo con lui, il che francamente era normale, a parte il fatto che avevo notato, alla cena famigerata, come il F. fosse lanciatissimo alla conquista di J. e cercasse di incontrarla privatamente, senza considerare il tipo di ragazza e il fatto che non fosse certo una ragazza da "una notte e via" ma che invece meritasse qualcosa di serio, costruito nel tempo.
F., ragazzo simpatico e vivace, purtroppo in quel periodo non aveva la ragazza e tendeva a perdersi negli occhi di tutte le ragazze, soprattutto straniere, che incontrava, a casa propria o a casa mia. :))
E quindi era partito in quarta alla conquista di J., conquista ovviamente impossibile, dato che J. non era certo tipa da cascarci dopo poche moine, come altre che F. aveva già pescato a casa mia e ai meeting da me organizzati, e quindi alla fine dei conti questa volta F. stava solo facendo il solito pavone a vuoto..
Osai farglielo presente dopo la cena, solo io e lui, e questo mi costò la sua amicizia. Ottimo.
Forse all'epoca mi sbagliavo io o forse aveva ragione lui o forse solamente le cose cambiano nel tempo e quella che mi sembrava una ragazza per bene, un anno e molte esperienze, anche hospex, dopo, non era più la ragazza di prima.

Ma andiamo per gradi. Dopo averla ospitata per quella settimana, e frequentata un po' assieme
ad amici ed altri ospiti, credevo di avere una nuova amica. Ed ero fiero di lei, con una tale conoscenza della lingua e della cultura italiana, con una tale serietà e cultura personale.
Il contatto era molto sporadico, lei mi aveva anticipato "I am very bad in keeping in touch with people" (="don't expect emails with me...")
Infatti ci siamo scambiati qualche email sporadica e, stranamente, le email si sono intensificate nel 2008, forse proprio perché sapeva già di venire a Venezia ancora e di volermi chiedere nuovamente ospitalità.
Cosa che ovviamente non mi disturbava affatto, anzi, mi faceva piacere averla di nuovo qui e farle conoscere la mia ragazza e le novità della mia vita.
Sapevo già dagli ultimi contatti che ha un ragazzo da un anno e che è innamoratissima. Bene!
Nelle ultime email e contatti noto qualcosa di strano, una certa vaghezza seppur mi chiede di stare un mese da me, anzi, 45 giorni, da fine luglio a inizio agosto. Bene, penso.
Ma è molto vaga, dice che sta aspettando una risposta da un "amico" di Milano, se lui è disponibile allora lei andrà prima a Milano e poi a Venezia, altrimenti direttamente verrà direttamente a Venezia. Mmmmh, mi sento un po' come l'ultima spiaggia, l'alternativa che è sempre disponibile. Mi riprometto di parlargliene. Forse solo una differenza culturale.

Alla fine J. arriva a Venezia a metà luglio, fa conoscenza e amicizia con la mia ragazza, andiamo spesso fuori tutti assieme, a ballare insieme, a concerti ed eventi vari, loro ragazze vanno in piscina e ad un gruppo di dialogo interculturale per donne, ... insomma le do gli spunti migliori delle cose più migliori per vivere bene a Venezia, la presento ad amici, la introduco nel mio circolo di conoscenze.
Mai lo avessi fatto!

Durante le prime settimane della sua permanenza mi capita di avere alcuni altri ospiti, più che altro persone che hanno scritto sui gruppi CS (che io leggo in RSS) come lastminute, o persone con cui ho avuto un contatto diretto tramite MSN, email o facebook.
In ogni caso cerco di seguire la mia regola di ospitare solo persone che possono potenzialmente essere futuri amici e nella gran parte dei casi ciò si verifica.

Penso per esempio ad una coppia italo-americana (lei italiana e lui americano), piuttosto nuovi di CS, con cui ho avuto delle conversazioni piuttosto interessanti riguardo le diverse culture.
Come punta dell'iceberg, ricordo la ragazza (italiana), prossima a trasferirisi negli USA, dire che siccome lì è cool mangiare gli spaghetti con l'ausilio del cucchiaio per arrotolarli e se invece non lo si usa si viene tacciati di ingoranza (l'opposto che in Italia!) e che si pronuncia "bruscetta" e non "bruschetta", era pronta ad adattarsi alle loro usanze. :))
In verità ho trovato nel ragazzo, americano, con parziali origini e documenti tedeschi, una buona apertura alle diverse culture, come anche da parte di un ragazzo, anche lui nel mondo hospex, incontrato per caso ieri notte alla spiaggia.
Sembra che alcuni americani abbiano in sè lo spunto che li aiuta a superare la auto-referenzialità della cultura del loro paese. Credevo, ero sicuro che J. fosse tra di loro. Ma tra poco vi racconterò quanto mi sbagliavo.

Altri ospiti che ho avuto durante il soggiorno di J. è stata una coppia (anzi, una tripletta) di ragazze, non so bene se lesbo o bi, ma certo so che facevano tutto assieme...
Esperienza interessante, ragazze simpatiche e molto vivaci, certo poco avvezze al vero spirito delle community di hospex, più che altro contattando vari hosts in giro per l'Italia con frasi e foto ammiccanti e seducenti, nello scopo piuttosto esplicito di trovare qualche scemotto che le ospitasse (e magari pure rifocillasse) gratis, senza particolare interesse personale per lui né idea di cosa sia uno scambio culturale.
(E' molto interessante vedere e a volte aiutare i guest a trovare host in altre città, molto molto istruttivo, sia per conoscere cosa pensano dei futuri host, sia per conoscere la mentalità con cui li approcciano e le difficoltà che incontrano!)
Tutto sommato una specie di autostoppiste del divano, freeloader in generale. Ma certo di alto bordo, colorful, sexy, cool.
Ho anche cercato di spiegar loro che l'host è anche una fonte di informazioni sul luogo che si sta visitando e una possibilità di conoscere la gente e non solo il luogo.
Forse prima o poi lo capiranno, ma probabilmente sono ancora nella mentalità egocentrica che si fa solo quello che è immediatamente utile a noi stessi (es: email dopo il soggiorno a Venezia, zero, due messaggi da parte mia su facebook, risposta da parte loro, zero).
Comunque io lo sapevo che erano una scommessa persa in partenza (e ne parlai anche con J.) e francamente mi fa piacere averle conosciute e aver dato loro un tetto e un alcova per qualche giorno.

Altri ospiti che ho avuto durante la permanenza di J. sono state due ragazze singole, una tedesca, Jo. e una ragazza americana, C., entrambe "salvate" da uno strano membro CS, attivo qui a Venezia negli ultimi mesi.
Un tizio dello Sri-Lanka, che lavora come recepionist in un albergo vicino Campo Santo Stefano e che si fa chiamare Fernando. :))
Da quanto ho saputo dalle guest, tramite i profili (forse fake) Mario Masi e Aldo Vio, entra in contatto con potenziali guest e, se sono ragazze singole, le fa dormire con sé dopo averle imbottite abbondantemente di alcool, se invece sono coppie o altro, li fa stare a pagamento nella struttura ricettiva dove lavora o da amici sri-lankesi.
Jo. mi riferì di una telefonata strana, fatta dal numero fisso dell'albergo dove lavora, dove chiedeva insistentemente se lei era interessata in un massaggio da parte sua, C. invece a quanto mi risulta è stata da lui una notte, lui la ha portata al Casinò e le ha offerto soldi e drink vari.. come sia finita la serata non lo so.
(Ho segnalato questi due profili a due ambassador italiani e alla safety manager di CS, ma ovviamente nessuna risposta! :)))

In entrambi i casi J. ha legato molto con queste ragazze, Jo. e C. e ha viaggiato con loro in altre città e stata assieme da altri host.
Nell'organizzare questi viaggi ho visto chiaramente che la loro attitudine nei confronti degli host non era quella che dovrebbe essere: sceglievano deliberatamente gli host meno esperti, maschi, potenzialmente single, probabilmente disposti a dedicare loro tempo, gite in auto, inviti a cena, ...
Non per flirtare, giammai, solo per avere una migliore vacanza alle spalle dell'host che, per gentilezza, cortesia, galanteria, cultura dell'ospitalità italiana o perché non gli era stato detto dei loro impegni sentimentali... si sarebbe comunque profuso in vantaggi e gentilezze maggiori rispetto al caso in cui avesse avuto un ospite maschio o una coppia.
Ignoravano completamente ciò che loro come ospiti avrebbero potuto fare per rendere l'esperienza positiva e piacevole anche per l'host, ovviamente, bastano i loro sorrisi di ragazze giovani e carine.

Ne ho quindi parlato con J., considerandola mia amica, e invitandola a dare il buon esempio a Jo. ma questo ha avuto un effetto inaspettato: invece di accogliere i miei spunti di riflessione, J. mi ha tirato fuori altre tematiche da cui appariva evidente che lei stava sfruttando anche me e che aveva vari pensieri su di me ma li teneva accuratamente celati.
Alla fine ha interrotto la conversazione dicendo "fidati di me".
Il che significava, lo ho capito solo dopo: "ho bisogno di tempo per organizzarmi e mandarti a cagare, ora che ho capito che non sei disposto a farti prendere in giro e farti sfruttare come ogni buon host italiano che si rispetti!"
Ho messo in bella vista una stampa della pagina del WiKi CS "How to be a good guest", insieme anche a "How to be a good host" e "How to write a CouchRequest", in caso potesse loro interessare.

Siccome J. era in viaggio nelle città vicine (Ravenna, Padova, ...) non c'è mai stata la possibilità di concludere la conversazione. Ma non c'era fretta, almeno da parte mia.
J. considerava apertamente casa mia come una garanzia, avrebbe avuto sempre il suo posto ad aspettarla qui, e lei avrebbe viaggiato come e quando più le piaceva.
(Mi sono capitati già alcuni, soprattutto americani e ungheresi, che ritenevano normale tenere il "posto letto" occupato a casa mia e nel contempo viaggiare, ovviamente approfittando dell'ospitalità di altri gentili membri di comunità hospex)

Dopo il ritorno dal secondo viaggio, J. viene a casa di mattina, sempre insieme a C. con cui aveva in teoria dormito a Padova per una notte, la fa entrare, prende tutte le sue cose senza svegliarmi o salutarmi e la vedo solo andare via sbattendo la porta. Quando però sono entrato in cucina.... che terribile sorpresa!

La parete dove i miei ex ospiti avevano appeso le piramidi alimentari della loro nazione/cultura era stata deturpata da scritte ingiuriose, ovviamente non sulle piramidi alimentari americane ma tu tutte le altre, comprese appunto quelle scritte a mano da ex guests.
Lo stesso nel mio guest book, a parte una frase di minaccia nella ultima pagina, le prime due pagine erano state deturpate da altre scritte offensive, coprendo e danneggiando i messaggi di saluto e ringraziamento di John del Canada e di Kamill e Nerjus della Lituania. :((
Le chiavi erano state lasciate nel freezer, insieme ad un biglietto criptico e minaccioso.

(Credo che buona parte della responsabilità di questi vandalismi sia da attribuire a C., che infatti le scrive sul suo profilo: "meet at the venice pervets dungeon and slayed him". In ogni caso, chi ha fatto entrare C. è stata lei e se fosse stata all'oscuro di ciò che C. andava a fare, avrebbe almeno chiesto scusa dopo.)

Scrivo subito due SMS chiedendo le ragioni di tale vandalismo e chiedendo di venire subito a pulire. Non è certo bello mangiare leggendo frasi offensive sul proprio conto.
E oltrettutto non è affatto bello vedere la propria casa violata in questo modo.
Da parte di una persona che si considerava amica.

Nessuna risposta agli SMS nè alle telefonate.
La mia ragazza, stupita di tutto questo odio, mi fa una ramanzina per ben due ore.
Mi dice che i miei amici e i miei ospiti sono brutta gente, che lascia sempre sporco, che fa casino, che entra nella nostra vita solo per averne benefici e lasciando tutto in disordine.
Alla fine pulisco io, ovviamente.

Controllo su facebook, ovviamente mi ha rimosso dalla sua lista di amici, come già aveva fatto C. un giorno prima, senza motivo.
Le scrivo un messaggio dentro facebook, risposta: zero.

Lascio passare due giorni e l'arrabbiatura.
Quando credo di essermi liberato da una solenne seccatura e una falsa amicizia, la mia ragazza mi riferisce che J. è andata alla riunione del centro multiculturale a cui lei la aveva portata in passato e che le ha rivolto varie domande, ovviamente senza spiegare per niente il suo comportamento per lo meno discutibile.
La mia ragazza, di indole riservata e timida, non le ha dimostrato tutta la rabbia ma non ha ovviamente mancato di scaricarla su di me appena tornata a casa, due ore di discussione.
Mando un sms a J., le dico che è meglio se ci vediamo e chiariamo. Risposta: zero.

E il tutto per cosa? Per quale motivo? Non lo so.

J. rifiuta di parlarmi. Non risponde alle email e agli sms.
Non mi ha spiegato mai il motivo del suo comportamento, peraltro inaccettabile comunque.

Non sapendo i motivi delle sue azioni mi rimane che valutarle in termini astratti.
Una (ex) amica che sparla di me alla mia ragazza e al altri conoscenti comuni, senza aver prima nemmeno voluto chiarire con me, secondo me non si sta comportando bene.
Una (ex) amica che si affitta una stanza nella mia città di nascosto e se ne va senza dire niente, idem.
Una (ex) amica che non chiarisce i motivi della rottura dell'amicizia, idem.

Mi sembra proprio che tutta la vita di J. si svolga attorno all'essere "cortese" con le persone fin tanto che gli servono e poi, quando non servono più... tutta la cortesia svanisce e si vede la vera faccia, opportunista ed noncurante delle relazioni umane.
Rileggendo le email e le chat intercorse e chiedendo a conoscenti comuni come si fosse comportata con loro, ho verificato che questo è un suo modus vivendi.
Ma non capisco perché, lo capirei, forse, ma sempre con difficoltà, da parte di una persona braccata, in rischio di vita, con problemi di sopravvivenza.
Francamente J., se questo è quello che la vita a Los Angeles ti ha insegnato, è veramente triste.

Ma non è finita qui.
Avendo tempo da perdere e nervoso da sfogare, J. si è dedicata ad una campagna diffamatoria sul mio conto, sotto forma di caccia alle streghe.
Mi è stato infatti riferito da amici di CS (ne ho ancora tanti!) che J. avrebbe contattato un ambassador dicendo che avrei approffittato di 15 ragazze. :))) Incredibile!!
Ma come? Dovrebbe essere proprio lei a testimoniare che durante il suo soggiorno, in totale di 16 giorni, non c'è stato alcun problema anzi, tutti gli ospiti, maschi o femmine che fossero, hanno trovato un ambiente accogliente e amichevole!
E approfittato in che modo? Offrendo ospitalità, pura completa e gratuita senza chiedere niente in cambio?
Che cosa ti stai inventando? La solita accusa che voi femministe rivolgete a noi maschietti? Dobbiamo forse vergognarci di essere maschi? No way!
Parliamo di fatti, fatti concreti: sfido J. o chiunque altro, a citare in modo oggettivo un mio comportamento abusivo nei confronti di qualuque ospite.
Tutti gli ospiti sono stati tutti i giorni previsti o anche di più e tutti si sono sentiti a casa propria.
Devo sentire queste accuse vaghe e volutamente imprecise proprio lei che mi conosce benissimo e non ha niente a che ridire sul mio comportamento?
E dovrebbe proprio lei sapere che io, avendo letto i messaggi sul gruppo CS di Venezia, ho "salvato" due ragazze da questo strano sri-lankese che le aveva contattate tramite profili falsi.
Proprio lei che consideravo amica e non ospite mi si rivolta contro e conduce una campagna diffamatoria contro di me?

"No good deed will go unpunished" right?
Nessuna buona azione rimarrà impunita, dicono.

Quindi, alla fine della fiera, una (inutile) amicizia in meno, un nemico in più, varie spiacevoli conversazioni con la mia ragazza e una ondata di pettegolezzi, calunnie diffuse e gonfiate ad arte, discussioni e dibattiti sul cattivo ragazzo di Venezia...

E pensare che io e la mia ragazza avevamo il nostro bel profilo di CS, andavamo ai meeting, facevamo amicizie, ospitavamo coppie, maschi, famiglie e pure qualche ragazza...
Poi un giorno la Rachel decise di cancellarlo, solo per il fatto che nella coppia uno dei due ero io, senza che ci fosse nemmeno una dico una reference negativa. Pensare che ci sono member con 7 reference negative. Ma Tom e la sua ragazza vanno cancellati SUBITO!
Non è questa una chiara dimostrazione di pregiudizio?

Ma vediamo, quale fu la conseguenza immediata?
Che alcuni ospiti con cui eravamo già d'accordo, una coppia e un ragazzo, non riuscirono a contattarci in altro modo e furono costretti ad organizzarsi diversamente (probabilmente albergo), perdendo anche (loro e noi) la possibilità di una eventuale amicizia e comunque di un più piacevole soggiorno a Venezia.

Penso che Rachel, il suo amicone Casey e tutti quelli, con o senza la bandierina di Ambassador, che pensano alla cancellazione dei profili, dovrebbero riflettere una volta ancora. Ed analizzare i pro e i contro per la community, non solo per loro.

Beh, torniamo a me. Che cosa devo imparare da tutta questa situazione?
Verrebbe la tentazione di pensare che gli americani sono strani.
Che per loro è normale andarsene lasciando vandalismi, minaccie e sbattendo la porta.
Chiudendo qualunque canale di comunicazione e nel contempo mettendo in giro voci calunniose e imprecise?
Contattando la mia ragazza per cercare di rovinare la mia relazione?

Complimenti, sinceri complimenti.

J. se per caso leggi questo post, fermati un secondo a pensare, calma la tua rabbia che viene non so da dove e pensa bene che non ho mai fatto niente di male a te o a nessun ospite in tua presenza, pensa bene se hai visto ospiti da me anche maschi, coppie etero e coppie lesbo, pensa bene se ho fornito a Jo. e C. una alternativa allo strano ragazzo sri-lankese che le aveva contattare da profili falsi e se effettivamente loro hanno scelto di stare da me o da lui, pensasci duemila volte prima di dire che qualcuno è pericoloso o abusa di qualcuno, non hai alcun fatto che supporta la tua tesi, anzi, forse hai solo i soliti gossip che vengono dagli host italiani invidiosi ma dovresti essere grande abbastanza per distinguere ciò che vedi con gli occhi e ciò che gli altri ti dicono, seppur molto colorato ma pur sempre non corrispondente al vero.

Aspetto le tue scuse ma so benissimo che non avrai mai l'umiltà di farmele.
Addio, J. Forse un giorno capirai.

Sarò un inguaribile romantico ma oggi, mentre io e la mia ragazza eravamo all'ennesimo film all'aperto gratis della rassegna che c'è qui a Venezia ad agosto, pensavo a te, in un appartamento in affitto, e pensavo che peccato che non siamo andati a vederlo tutti assieme.
Che peccato che al nostro progetto di amicizia e di sano divertimento hai preferito vivere solo dentro le hospex communities, approfittando della gente, imbastendo false amicizie, facendo la caccia alle streghe.
Sai, c'è la vita vera, fuori da CS.
E chi vive solo dentro CS, beh, poveretto. :))

[funny] Some guests are animals :))

2008-08-11T14:04:00.007+02:00

Some guests pointed me out that in the girls' bathroom there was a strange shampoo.
They said: "a shampoo for animals".
I couldn't believe.
Instead it was true! :))

The question is:
why somebody uses animal shampoo? it's supposed to be even more expensive than human shampoo.
And, didn't they read "the presence of the coloring atrazine may cause allergic reactions"?
Thanks god that they forgot here, so they are not using it anymore.

Host-Guest relationship, transparent VS curious

2008-08-01T16:03:00.003+02:00

I often remember two stories of hospex experiences, quite emblematic in my opinion.

Once there was a guy who was hosted by a couple. He was used to be hosted by other single guys or girls, hanging out and having fun with them.
But, toward this couple, he felt afraid to disturb them, their life and their intimacy.
So he tried very hard to be "transparent", to be at home as less as possible, ...
He was at home just for a short sleep in the night and a quick shower in the morning. He was out all night, leaving them all the time they liked for couple cuddles watching tv and he was getting home quite late, when they would have surely been already asleeep, to be ready to the next working day.
So, they hardly met the each other, during his stay.
At the moment of his departure, they said "what a pity that our schedules didn't match, we hardly see the each other".
He replied: "well... I tried to bother you as less as possible, to be as much invisible as I could".
And them: "oh.. really... we should have talked about this before.. we hosted you exactly to get to know you, you wouldn't have been a bother at all for us, else!"

After all he tried not to bother their life and he ended up, just trying to be polite, being crashing at someone's place, while instead everybody was interested to get to know the each other.
Moral: since your host is not very very busy and ask you to party on your own, try if possible to spend time with him and get to know the each other!
In doubt, refer to the CS Wiki guidelines http://wiki.couchsurfing.com/en/How_to_be_a_good_guest
and talk about it with your host.

Once I had two guests from _____, two girls in their 20s.
They organized a trip all around Italy. Having had some ex-hosts in some cities, they looked for hosts in the other cities.
They were quite skeptical, always looking for safety and good guys, mostly the kind of generous innocuous guy, as a host.
No girls as host, they wouldn't have been generous enough for them.
I mean, maybe a free dinner, maybe a night out, some drinks, some ice-creams, maybe a car ride to the disco...
Their travel started and ended in Venice, so I had the opportunity to see and talk with them at the beginning and at the end of the travel.
They were very very vague in the days before the arrival, not confirming my offer of accommodation even if I was chatting with both of them for long time. Surely they were afraid because of what some envious Italian guy host told them. Gossip is always a big big power. :(
The last day, as there was no other available host, they contacted me. :))
I pretended not to notice anything strange and they did so too.
In fact we had nice friendly time with them and other guests and, after the end of the travel they confirmed me that I was much better than many other hosts they had in Italy.
They said that they were hitting on them or, if not, anyway "too curious".
I asked what they were talking about and I understood that they expected to be more left of their own, not to spend time together, not to be shown the city, or the hosts not paying attention, interest or curiosity to them during their stay.
Well... do you think that an Italian guy (whom they maybe teased a bit before the stay, by email, chat, sms, ...), having 2 foreign girls at his place, can keep on his own and just go on living as other days?
And so, if he should feel as usually on his own, why should he host people, then? Mah...
Other funny things that I remember:
they were hitchhiking, and they had special suits for hitchhiking, short shorts and very open t-shirts (showing their cleavage).
In fact they had very quick rides. They didn't pay for any transport (hitchhiking or relying on hosts' cars), no money for accommodation and usually not eve for food, hosts like to offer dinner, at home or even at restaurant! :))
I mean, they had 15 days of holiday for probably 100 euros, not more.
Good for them you might say. I don't say so, I think that is the attitude of "take advantage" of people. They knew that the t-shirts more sexy were more effective with hitchhiking, still as soon as get at host's place, they were changing with very serious ones. Funny no? Or maybe just smart!
One other funny thing I remember was about gifts. Yes, gifts to hosts. Somebody still use it :))
They had with them, in their big backpacks, gifts for all hosts of the travel.
I suppose that half or more of their big backpacks were of food for themselves and gifts to hosts.
Travelers from that country often travel with lots of food, canned food.
Believe me, it's not really so more expensive here. Still, this happen very often with this country and the country immediately north of it.
Anyway, about gifts. In my case they gave me a bottle of red wine from their country. What a pity that they gave me not at their first stay (when they arrived in Italy and started their travel) but at their second stay (just before leaving Italy and going back home).
One might think that they were not sure if the number of gifts were enough for all hosts.
Or maybe that they decided to give better gifts to better hosts etc. (that's not bad actually)
Still it's quite funny that this bottle passed by my place, traveled 15 days among Italy, then came back to my place and finally stayed!
I accepted the gift with a big smile and truly happy of it.
But all this travelling of gifts around looked to me quite childish! :))

Bureaucracy for hosts and guests in Italy

2008-07-31T19:56:00.006+02:00

Happened to me recently to have to study deeply the laws applicable to people having guests at their private home in Italy. As I became now an expert in this field, I thought might be useful to hosts and guests to know how it's the law and what they can run into.
The topic was raised already in 2006 in the HC forum but wasn't taken very seriously.
Anyway this is the synthesis of the actual bureaucracy, updated to July 2008.

FOR HOSTS

Any person, Italian or foreigner, who hosts at his place in the Italian territory any guest citizen of a non-European Union country, should register the guest at the local Police Department within 48 hours of his arrival.
For guests who are nationals of EU countries this applies just if the guest plans to stay more than 30 days (different law applies to these cases).
So, to mention some common examples, it applies to guests which are citizens of USA, Canada, Australia, ... but also from Switzerland and maybe also from Norway, Island and also from little states like San Marino, Monaco, Andorra, Vatican City.
Doesn't count if he is citizen of an other Schengen country or if he can enter in Schengen without need to ask any visa. This is a specific regulation not connected with the visa or the Schengen regulations. Doesn't count too the guest is maybe temporarily resident of an other EU country (e.g. exchange student in France) and has a Permit of Stay issued by that country.
All that counts is the country that issued the guest's passport/ID.
If the guest is not citizen of a European Union country, the host has to render the declara
Often your guest, even if living in a non EU-country he might have a EU passport as well is his family has European origins. In that case, no need for any declaration.
For your convenience, here is the map of the EU countries.

In some little city this is to be done at the city hall offices ("Comune"). In some bigger cities it should be done at the Police Station competent by territory.
Anyway never at Military Police ("Carabinieri") or other kind of police.
Just at Commissariato di Polizia, Polizia di Stato, Questura or, in some cities, Uffici del Comune.
Better to know already which is the place to give the declaration for new guests, write down the working time of that office and to get in advance some empty forms. They might not accept the declaration if given at the wrong office or with wrong forms. Also the right forms guarantee the host to specify all the required information and to be fully law-compliant.

Don't confond the "Dichiarazione di Ospitalità" with the one sent to Italian Embassies or Consulates for the issue of an entry visa. That's a completely different thing.
This is a sample of the one we are talking about:
http://portalelavoro.provincia.venezia.it/cgi-bin/WebObjects/PortaleLavoro.woa/wa/Navigation/download?id=2608

The declaration should be in double or triple copy. The copies after the first should be given back to you with the stamp of the office, usually I do 3 copies, one for the host and one for the guest.
Should be attached to the declaration (just to the copy given to the office) a photocopy of the guest's passport (the main page, the page of the eventual visa and the page with the entry Schengen uniform stamp) and a photocopy of the host document (national ID or passport, plus his Permit of Stay if applies).

The declaration should be signed by the owner of the place where the guest is hosted.
If the place is rented, it should be signed by the tenant and not by the landlord.
(Of course there should be an official registered lease contract and the landlord should have already registered the tenant the local Police Department though the "Cessione Fabbricato" form).

If ever happen that your guest got documents controlled by police or your neighbors asked them where they are from etc... much better to prepare, sign and deliver the declaration to the correct office. Usually the form doesn't specify the arrival date but just the number of days of the guest planned stay, so you can easily do within the 48 hours of the eventual police check, if you and the guest declared that he is "just arrived" :))
Otherwise you risk a fine from 160 to 1100 euros. Practically, because of strange Italian laws about "Sanzioni amministrative" (fines) the host would be normally fined 320 euros.
So, just think if your neighbors call police for some loud music, police comes and finds a party, writes down the documents of everybody and there are, let's say, 5 guests from not-EU countries, I warmly advice you to do the declaration the morning after, not to risk to be fined 500-5000 euros. Up to you.

PS: The "decreto legge n. 10" written on 15.02.2007 (and published on Gazzetta Ufficiale n. 38 on the same day) " temporary abolished the duty to render the "Dichiarazione di Ospitalità" but lately that modification was not confirmed by the conversion law. Therfore, the duty is still valid and the declaration is required.

FOR GUESTS

If you are a non-EU citizen and you are traveling within Italy for less than 90 days, having or not the Schengen entry visa, you have to make sure you are in one of these 3 cases:
a) you entered Schengen area in Italy, so you have the Italian Schengen uniform entry stamp on your passport
b) you stayed already at least one night in a hotel/hostel/camping/... that has to fill the daily "Dichiarazione di P.S." listing all guests
c) you filled yourself the "Dichiarazione di Presenza" (declaration of presence) to an Italian Police Department (Questura) within 8 days of your entry in the Italian territory

As you clearly see it applies to all travellers who are in a Euro-Trip and passing through different Schengen countries. For instance, an USA citizen who entered in Schengen area in France and then traveled to Italy, has to chose one of the two options: b) or c).
The declaration at the c) point is costless (gratis) but requires the data of your host, who has of course to do the "dichiarazione di ospitalità", else he will be fined.

For your convenience, this is a sample of how the Schengen Uniform entry stamp looks like:

This is a exit stamp (see the arrow going OUT), the entry is the same but has the arrow going in.
You can read where was issued (Lisboa = Lisbon, Portugal) and the issuing country, among the little stars (P=Portugal).
If your ENTRY stamp is not issued by Italy (I) and you didn't stay yet at least one night in a paying accommodation (hotel/hostel/camping/...) but you plan just to rely on hospitality of people, you'd better have your first host in Italy make the "Dichiarazione di Ospitalità" within 48 hours of your arrival AND you, within the first 8 days, go to the Questura (Main Police Department) with a copy of your passport and of the "Dichiarazione di Ospitalità" that your host provided (already stamped by the Police station) and render your own "Dichiarazione di Presenza".

But what CAN happen to a non-EU citizen who is caught by police and he is not in the 3 cases listed above?
He can be kept in police office up to one day and he might be given a deportation order, that usually it's just a order to go out of Italian territory within 5 days and not come back for 10 years! (this term can be later reduced to 5 or 3 years, but it's a hassle of documents and paperwork)
To be clear, the traveler can be given the order to leave the Italian territory even if he has a valid Schengen visa! The requirement to have filled a "dichiarazione di presenza" is an autonomous requirement of the Italian government.
And the "dichiarazione di ospitalità" that your host should fill about you, it's not valid also as "dichiarazione di presenza" that you have to fill.

So, my advice is to do all paperwork necessary (there is no tax or expense involved, just the hassle of photocopies and going to the correct office at the correct opening time) or, if Police checks your documents (for ANY reason) don't say that you are on the Italian territory since more than 8 days!
You might risk not be able to enter in Italy for the next 10 years.
And, if you come from a country that need visa to enter in Schengen area, getting the next visas can be way more difficult.

Here is the form for the "Dichiarazione di Presenza"
http://www.poliziadistato.it/pds/ps/immigrazione/documents/modulo_breve_durata.pdf

Of course don't forget to have always with you a valid international passport or official ID valid in Italy (mostly are just the national ID issued by European countries.
Possibly keep at least a photocopy with you.
If you are checked by police and you don't have any document with you (sadly to say, especially if your heritage is visually evident to be not Italian and if you don't speak perfect mother-tongue Italian), you might spend up to 24 hours at a Police Station, they might get your fingerprints etc...
Don't expect police to be so kind to accompany you home to get your passport! :))

Sources:
http://www.poliziadistato.it/pds/ps/immigrazione/ingresso.htm

[The bad guest's dictionary] Word of the day: Pilfer

2008-07-31T18:52:00.004+02:00

Main Entry:: pil·fer
Pronunciation:: \ˈpil-fər\
Function:: verb
Inflected Form(s):: pil·fered; pil·fer·ing \-f(ə-)riŋ\
Etymology:: Middle French pelfrer, from pelfre booty
Date:: circa 1548

intransitive verb: steal; especially : to steal stealthily in small amounts and often again and again
transitive verb: steal; especially : to steal in small quantities

tommato's comment

I like to believe that the taps of the bottles often are not working properly.
The content slowly decrease and gradually disappear.

That's actually good else the food would go bad.
Same for the candies I received as gift from that guest (what a strange guest, bringing a gift from the previous city of his travel, he should have been completely nuts!), if I would have eaten of all them I would have got so fat! So much better that I got to taste just one.
And maybe I didn't really like them. Else I would have hidden the box, isn't it?
If it's there, not locked with several chains, it means that's shared, obvious, no?

By the way, don't think that pilfering it's all about kitchen. No way, the best scenario for worldwide championships of pilfering is the.. bathroom!
Yes, what's better than a private place, where nobody can interrupt our favorite sport?
Well.. do you really think that they care that their toothpaste will finish earlier?
Or about the shower cream, the shampoo, the balsam, the body lotion?
Are they mental people who check the level of every bottle every day? I don't think so!
Well... do you really expect me to travel with all this stuff around?
Or when arrived in a city to go to a supermarket to buy?
If it's really so hard I'd better go in a hotel, there is everything I need provided without so much hassle, no?
Ok, I got you, Scrooge, you want me to travel around even with my own toilet paper and my own soap! :))

nice stories of pilfering

At one place I was working to quite often, we had a locker's room where to put our personal belongings. I never protected my stuff, as there was nothing valuable.
Once I received a gift of a expensive perfume and I thought to use for the important business meetings. I dunno why but it ended up there.
Believe me or not, it became the bottle of magic! It was autonomously slowly decreasing!
One spray today, one spray on other day.. the pilfers believed I was using it myself so they thought I wouldn't have noticed. Instead it was just them using it. :))
One day I disposed the empty bottle, smiling and learning that alcohol has such a tendency to evaporate that just closing the tap sometimes is not enough!

I had in the guys' bathroom a razor and a shawing foam. It was not mine, a previous guest left it there and, even if I don't shave myself, I left it there, sure that one or the other day it would have turned useful!
And my forecast, as often, turned out to be true, but in a way I would never expect. :))
This girl, quite silent and mysterious, was particularly affectionate to the guys' bathroom.
Even if less comfortable, she elected herself member of the gentleman's club. I see.
At first I didn't understand it and actually I didn't even care of it.
But when I saw the shaving foam bottle un-tapped, that razor still wet, ... it was all clear! :))
Intimately happy that those two cheap things turned out useful for somebody, I was funnily impressed of her attitude not to think to buy or use her own, and not even ask before using.
But, as said, everything is shared no?
I mean, the host shares, provides, isn't it?

Guidelines... guidelines...

2008-05-21T20:11:00.006+02:00

I would never stop recommending to all the hospex communities to write clear guidelines and to put them in relevant places, so people are guided in the main phases of the hospex life (planning the travel, contacting the prospective hosts and local buddies, choosing the host and the people to meet, writing reference about people met and been guest of).
People are from all over the world and they can have very very different expectations.
Giving them a guideline shows very clearly what do expect and what they may be expected to.
Often people asked questions like these in forum and groups or to the first members they met.
(one of thousands examples: http://boards.bootsnall.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/209091657/m/57600713416)

Finally CS published, thanks to the CS Wiki and who invented it, some guidelines.
It was not so difficult, huh?

very well written and very useful
http://wiki.couchsurfing.com/en/How_to_write_a_CouchRequest
http://wiki.couchsurfing.com/en/How_to_be_a_good_guest
http://wiki.couchsurfing.com/en/How_to_be_a_good_host
http://wiki.couchsurfing.com/en/Handling_Dating_Requests

to improve
http://www.couchsurfing.com/references.html

to review completely
http://www.couchsurfing.org/help.html
http://www.couchsurfing.com/help/Answers_to_some_frequently_occurring_contact_us_questions

--------------------------------------------
update 28.02.2009
I found out a page of a site for travelers giving "hints" how to use better CouchSurfing.
http://thetravelersnotebook.com/how-to/10-ways-to-improve-your-couchsurfing-odds/
After reading it, I asked myself: how many of these are hints and how many should be official guidelines on the site?
There is still a lot of need of guidelines, believe me!

Toniwalia - the Untouchable HC Forum Moderator

2008-05-21T12:41:00.006+02:00

On October 1st, 2007, there was an interesting thread in the HC forum:

http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forum.php?action=DisplayMessage&StartMessageId=208606

To summarize, the member bencsicsbeata from Szombathely - Hungary asked an explanation of what the caption "This profile is passedaway (Veit to translate)" means when found on a profile.
It turned out to be a flag in the software (still not fully managed) for profiles of people not any more in life. A kind of memorial profile. Very nice idea, like for user like Kinga freespirit and some others.
(On a side note, what a pity that they didn't design memorial profiles also for users who are still alive but somehow they got banned... ;))

The day after, the member kyrmyt from Philadelphia - United States of America posted a polemic reply:
"Then why the heck is this profile still on the HC site??? Do we want to reach that magic 1 million members number THAT badly that we need to carry corpses along?"

Definitely a polemic post, referring not-properly in this place, to the well-known habit of keeping all the profiles online, even fake users, not active users since years, etc...

The same day, Toniwalia (HC Forum Moderator) replies on the same thread:
"Kyrmyt post here once again prove that she contributes little to any forum. She
does not understand anything, yet likes to make wild accusation. Totally strange. No disrespect intended but just my observation. Peace.
[...]
Cheers
Toniwalia."

Mmmh... maybe he can have deleted her post instead of attacking her in public?
Maybe at that moment he forgot the 1st forum rule?
http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forumrules.php
"1. Be friendly and courteous towards your fellow members and HC volunteers. The Forum is not the place to vent anger or aggression."

Were his words aggressive to kyrmyt? Open to discussion.

Anyway, a bit later I posted too a reply on the thread:

"Good that some developing in HC is going on!
And on the complicate matters, like "passed away" members, that have several implications in listings, comments, ....
Actually I believe it's not so huge software base, compared to business projects, so I would keep pushing the development. (btw how is samm? how is Open Source project?)
It's good that the original question of this thread has been answered publicily by well-informed members.
On the other side I read a lot of advices as "I would do this way" or "I think it's better to" that if I don't remember wrongly are not supposed to be in the forum.
(still I would change that forum rule.. hehe saying it I am breaking the same rule now! :)))
Talking about forum rules, I am a little surprised to read Toni's reply personally attacking kyrmyt. I agree that her post is a bit harsh and not comprehensive, but it can also be considered a silly irony and maybe a minority voice.
From this to say that all her posts are not contributing to the forum, it's a long way.
I read several her posts through the function on her profile and I wouldn't agree with Toni about this, even if I recognize that she's a heavy poster too and she can seriously compromise Toni and others high position in the toplist of forum posters.
Please Toni, be a good HC forum moderator (and not just HC and Veit defensor:))) and moderate your own post, isn't it a good idea, huh?"

Toniwalia read it and, et-voilà, a quick clik and just removed it!
He was so kind, he dropped me a canned HC message:

"Hello Tommato,
I just DELETED a post from you in the HC forum because it is against the fourth forum rule. We are happy about any feedback, but decided not to lead any strategic discussions in the forum as they sometimes take months and years and most volunteers prefer to discuss by email.
Some decisions might also not make everyone happy and we don't want people to get disappointed and angry if we cannot implement their ideas or opinions (and discussing in public would put people's reputation on the line).
But we really are very happy about member feedback and consider all suggestions. We constantly improve the site and discuss among key volunteers. So your suggestion will not be lost and if you have further ideas and suggestions, please get in touch using the Feedback Form.
You can read the forum rules online at
http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forumrules.php
Greetings from Toniwalia,
HC forum moderators team volunteer"

I wrote him back a HC message, that was saying:

"Hello Toniwalia
isn't it funny that you moderate a post where I am actually criticizing one your previous post that was against the first forum rule? :))
I kindly ask you to restore my post, as the other posts in the same thread (those posts who are really against forth forum rule) were not deleted as well.
If you won't restore the whole post, just tell me which sentences you feel going against the forth forum rule.
I am sure this is just a little mistake due to your disappointment to have been caught in mistake against the first forum rule with the previous post.
Please notice that this HC message is tracked and other admins or even Veit can check it later.
I am sure you are more than happy to admit that you seldom do little mistakes as every human and take this opportunity to moderate your own previous post and not instead try to cover all the tracks deleting my post, misusing your power as HC forum volunteer.
Please notice that my critic was very soft and with all my best friendly attitude toward you, who I estimate for your long time dedication to HC.
Looking forward to meet you in real, as soon as it will be possible, all the best from Venice!
Sincerely,
Tommaso"

Oh my God, I mentioned him that he was not untouchable!
This was his response:

"Hello Tommaso,
Greetings from Vienna, Austria.
Received your mail and I have forwarded this to Viet. A copy was send to you. I have great respect for all the members of this club. As volunteers, we do get many similiar "accusations". Any explaination or action on my part will not please any member and so it is best to leave it in the hands of the 'boss'.
I have been to Venice last year (I was hosted by Roberto in Padavao). I don't see myself visiting that wonderful city again. You are welcome to Warsaw, Poland.
Or we can meet somewhere in a 3rd city.
Cheers.
Toniwalia."

An email was also in my mailbox, cc of an email to veit:

"Veit,
Hello,
I am forwarding a message from a very active member "tommato' of Venice, Italy. In his mail to me, he has accused me of "misusing your power as HC forum volunteer" . As such I though that it will be wise for me not to handle this matter, but send this to you to look into this and act accordingly.
On my part, I dont think that I have done anything inappropriate but stand corrected.
I am sending you greetings from Vienna, Austria.
Cheers,
Toniwalia.

cc. sent to member"

Later just a little email exchange with Brett/babso:

"Hi Tom,
Please be more respectful to moderators who are doing a tough job.
Whether you can argue and split a hair that someone maybe should not have been deleted, just drop it and move on. Take the moderator's advice on board and post again to the thread. Please do not start arguments over tiny insignificant matters such as was done recently.
Find big problems for people to deal with and forgive anyone small ones you may feel were made.
Brett"

"Hello Brett,
I agree completely with You. This is the correct philosophy.
Would have been normal to receive excuses from Toni, that I completely
understand, and I'd have re-posted my post. Instead he preferred to
remit the question to Veit.
By the way, excuse me, who I have the pleasure to talk with?
Regards,
Tom"

"Hi Tom,
I'm HC:Babso, and HC Forum Coordinator.
And by repost, I mean with modifications based on what Toni suggested. I"m not agreeing the moderation should or shouldn't have happened, only that when it does the best thing is to move on and adjust. In extreme cases of course we can intervene, but this case doesnt' seem very extreme.
Happy posting in the forums!
Cheers,
Brett"

"Hello Brett
it's a very wise suggestion, thanks.
I would have been happy to get suggestions by Toni or by You about
what was wrong on my post. He just wrote about forum rule #4, that I
don't think applies at all to my post.
Instead I can feel just that Toni deleted it whole because was a post
criticizing himself.
I would be happy to repost, but I don't have any suggestion and, if it
was for now, I would repost the same text.
I agree with You, it's not an extreme case at all.
Greetings from Venice and thanks for Your time and Your concern.
Tom"

Nothing more.
Veit answer never arrived.
My post remained deleted.
Toniwalia's post attacking kyrmyt still there.

Long life to Toniwalia, the Untouchable HC Forum Moderator. :))))

PS: Little things I found about Toniwalia.

Toniwalia writes: "My Couch or rather the bed for you."
I comment: "are the panties included?"

Berlin Beach Camp May 2007
Toniwalia diving... ;)

He likes to take photos:
girls http://www.mijnalbum.nl/GroteFoto-CNON4KVC.jpg
guys http://www.mijnalbum.nl/GroteFoto-GXQVDGAW.jpg
threesomes http://www.mijnalbum.nl/GroteFoto-QUYFPT8W.jpg
or to participate to them http://www.mijnalbum.nl/GroteFoto-GGKUYPQT.jpg

Have also a look at his site: http://www.freewebs.com/toniwalia/

Public forums: pros and cons

2008-05-21T11:21:00.004+02:00

Second article in the whitepapers sections, this time about pros and cons of forums.
I am of course referring to HC forum and CS groups but not just to them.
In fact I never forget that hospex communities are just a little part of the virtual world (that's a part of the whole human world). Many people live all their virtual life (and maybe for some people can be all their daily contact with other people) into HC, CS, Facebook, etc.. and this is the bad thing about these sites, empowering you to get a virtual representation of yourself, a profile, friends links, posts on the forums, etc... it makes people care so much about that profile, identifying themselves with it and actually living FOR it, for the profile. Even worse if you can collect Extremely Positive references or numbers of comments. Some they care because it's the first impression they will give to other people they are going to meet, but most of the people care too much about their profile just for pride and as a mean of self-realization.
Do you see what I am saying or you're already fully into it?

Sites like GFL, craigslist, ... are instead free of these problems, because they hardly have comments and they don't provide any forum.

To understand fully a phenomena I am used to see also some extreme manifestation of it, let's see to see the brighter examples. In this case let's see the case of one community with more users and that is even more addictive than HC / CS: Yahoo Answers.

To summarize, Yahoo Answers is nothing more than a public forum where everybody can read and registered users can post new threads ("questions") and reply to other threads ("answers"). The threads are virtually about everything and it's meant as a way to share practical knowledge among users.
The aim of the site is to provide a public service and, more realistically, get a good traffic to the site that turns automatically into a good audience to the ads.

I like the business model, users publish for free topics and contents and they come to the site spontaneoiusly because of the content itself, the site admins have just to moderate the forum. Just!

Moderating a forum is well-known as something much easier to say than to do.
Especially in a site like Yahoo Answers lots of users publish stupid or provocative questions, spam about other sites or other businesses, flame and attack other users, create new fake accounts to do all these nice things and to orchestrate attacks to other users. In one words: disturb.

As every forum, Yahoo Answers implemented a moderation system: a flag to report one post as inappropriate, a "block this user" setting (on a per-user basis), a feedback form to report offensive content or any complaint.

But the evil has always more energy: they even managed to use the moderating system against the good users.

See some examples in Italian at:
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-jlCfzWUwabKieqgwGZDtgg--?cq=1
http://www.net-art.it/protesta-answers/ringo.html
http://www.net-art.it/protesta-answers/messaggi-team2.html

Seems that they managed to create multiple fake users and block and report a legitimate user, this originating a removal of the legitimate user.
Or writing offensive content in the weekend, when the moderation team is not working.
And many other little tricks. As said, the devil always knows one trick more.

In the case of Google Answers they have a reason to keep the forum working and this is the business behind the ads on the site. Let's say that the moderation team is made of employees paid to do that hard job.
(Of course they are not enough people and they don't have the best tools, but they still do a lot of good things and sometimes some mistakes.)

But in a case of volunteer-run sites like HC and CS... I am wondering how much benefit has to have a forum that easily becomes a compensation room where the hot-headed people like to gossip, calumny, troll, attack, run flames, toward other people.

If I would add up:
+1 point for every thread that is legitimate, in line with the aims of the site, answered by other members in a friendly way, useful for everybody in the present and in the future and where all users behaved correctly
-1 point for ever other post (not responded, irrelevant, flaming, polemic, gossipy, silly, not useful...)
what would you think will be the total ranking of HC forum? and what about CS groups?
In my humble opinion HC forum would be very much under zero, declaring its substantial negativity. CS groups are much better but most of the posts are still polemic, silly and very time limited (like "oh cool, let's meet at that club on wed" or "I agree with xxx, he's a very cool dude...").

Rules and netiquette are there, but users often forget of it.
And there are two other big problems:

1) lack of public guidelines on the whole site and the forum part (read on my next post about it)
2) power position of certain members (based on the seniority or ambassadorship level) that allows to them to boss on others and their posts to be not moderated, even if against the guidelines

CS is very prone to create power figures (a next post will be about it).
In HC, due also to the constant and definitive escape of volunteers, there are not any more many power positions.
Good informed people told me the only power position are babso, toniwalia .. and veit, of course! :))

I leave to everybody of you the personal evaluation if forums on hospex sites mostly positive and useful or not.
Regarding myself, I am sure that most of the gossip about me was due to the polemics on the forum and originated by polemic, gossipy, envious Italian members.
It's easy to agree among people, when it's about hating someone.
Everybody can have different reasons, but the objective is common.

Technical ideas for different ways for looking for accomodation/meetings

2008-03-05T15:26:00.003+01:00

I start the section of whitepapers with the software design analysis written by me and refined by Kasper Souren, posted on may 2006 on
http://www.hospitalityguide.net/hg/wiki/index.php?title=Technical_ideas_for_different_ways_for_looking_for_accomodation/meetings&action=history

Based on writings from tommato CS HC, at CouchSurfing's Brainstorm group Guaka is trying to get the core ideas put here, and some copyediting.

In my opinion the system to write emails/messages to potential hosts was working well at the beginning but now is a little outdated. Of course all accomodation exchange communities started this way but I think that now this is a huge phenomena and we could re-analyze it and maybe setup some new system.

Let me summarize in few lines what is the main structure of these accomodation communities:

There is the database of members profiles, the search function (with different parameters and map option too), the forum, the message system. Most of the times these communities are used to ask for accomodation, meeting, spending time together. The first contact usually starts from the guest.

Some different generic cases

1. know before meet - The guest and the host are in touch before, they know the each other by email/chat/phone enough and then they meet it's chosen by people who need to trust more their hosts/guests and th
2. 'looking for hospitality and meeting friendly people while roaming - the guest is having a tour in different cities and needs accomodation in all these cities, the hosts are mostly evaluated as free hospitality but happen some unexpected good encounters and friendship as well
3. meetings - some special meetings with many members, like HC camps (about this who is CouchSurfing member as well can checkout the CS function "meet" that is almost perfect, I think)

The current system of message exchange, profiles with photo, MSN, ICQ, etc. is good for the first case. There is not so much to do about that, I think. Photos, comments, profile... (even if I found much more descriptive the CS profile, with many photos, more text, .... friends link...)

For such cases would be helpful to add one "virtual agreement or meeting/hosting", that, once selected by both members, would send an email to both of them with the reminder and the actual personal and ID data of themselves and it will be stored in the database. The host would be able to see the upcoming guest he confirmed to and the guest the hosts he confirmed to as well. Any change on dates should be confirmed by the other member. I think that this would help also people to keep track of the agenda of upcoming guests and hosts.

I mean, at the beginning the contact is just general, then one member send to the other one special request for meeting or hosting or guesting, not just a normal message, when the second accept it, automatically will be sent one email with the full personal data of both. This, IMHO would be a very good safety feature, so you can give your address, phone number, etc just to people you are supposed to meet and these data would be the official data stored in HC servers. No need to write name, suname, passport number on any message. Just store in HC database and give immediately to people you are supposed to meet, to host or to be hosted by, in the same moment when you receive their data as well. (Ebay has something similar)

This thing IMHO should be connected with comments as well. If you had such virtual agreement this can lead to 3 situations:

1. both members let it pending (meeting delayed, or future or in progress)
2. one member cancel that (canceled or missed meeting) and the other confirm it
3. one member write the comment and the other (before seeing the other's comment) write his comment as well. Just when both are written down, those comments will appear on member's profile.

This would prevent for example people who never met to write comments.

I would think about these status or each meeting/hosting:

1. offered
2. confirmed
3. in progress
4. done, pending comment
5. commented
6. canceled before meeting

Ah, of course IMHO the meeting/hosting should be seen just by the two involved members. (like HC "My list" and CS "Note" functions)

But let me talk a little also on the second and third cases.

I meet often people that are having a Europe trip just on HC/CS hosts. (It's so cool, HC changed the world!) Even one or two days in each place.

But maybe it wasn't exactly planned like this. Because this way makes a huge overloads of emails. And mails have to be checked (at least into HC). And sometimes this lead to mails being reveived when the guest already left the city (as to me happened in some cases in my last travel to Prague).

I usually see that after a while and expecially in travels with many cities the guest doesn't have so much time for choosing the host (expecially if he is in rush in a Internet point or at the previous host's place) and he doesn't know if they will answer or not so typically he just read quickly some profiles, copy&paste a presentation email, maybe do some little changes and delay the real choice of the host among the ones who will answer positivelly. Isn't often like this?

Because even if you find someone who is much more interesting for you (maybe some common interests) you don't know if he will be free for that period or not. So you have to wait the second contact. And to find the most interesting people usually it's so time consuming, expecially in cities with many members.

I mean, for these kind of guests, the perfect way would be to receive accomodation offers from all members of the city and then choose among them, I am not saying that any host is the same, but the first criteria for them is the availability to meet.

Also in some cities/areas people build some mailgroups to share guests among members of the same cities.

I dunno how works in HC "Want more guest" group and looking for profiles who state a planning travel to your city. I never tried, was always busy with so many emails and guests.

But the paradox is that sometimes you are free, you have lots of spare time, you could be eager to host people but no guest is writing you for that dates.

So... what I would do in this case is: Let guests apply for accomodation (or just meeting friendly members) to the whole city or area (province, region, multiple city, ...) (not to each single member) and have a list of upcoming guests for each city (province, region, area), with arrival and departure date and this let hosts offer their availability. When the guest found his host (of if he changed his plan) he should delete the generic accomodation request on the city and IMHO not to be shown whom he agreed to be hosted / to meet to. Then everything can go as case 1, but IMHO this pre-step would save a lot of time to guests to write tons of copy&paste emails, to hosts to answer to all of them and to volounteers to check it! Ah, of course a member can chose on his preferences to receive daily by email a "digest" of upcoming accomodation/meeting request in his city/province/region.

(I know that this it was planned in HC by Veit to be done on the city page on the upcoming guest but it is so simple system and I think it's not working because there is not the "digest" by email.)

The selection of the area of interest by the guest could be done very well with the geographical tool (map) or with the classical interface with continent/country/region/province/city.

Let me say an example. happened to me, when I was in Prague the last time. Even if I had accomodation at friend's place I liked to meet HC members. So I wrote some messages, mostly "copy & paste" style, except some special members whose profile intrigued me a little more, whom I wrote a special message. Some of those messages got there even after my visit was ended. Whatever.. At the end I ended up meeting just one member for a beer.

With my idea things would work this way, instead. I would spend less time, I would just write one "upcoming guest", from date X to date Y, I already have accomodation, I'd like to meet friendly member, I am this and that, I like this... etc. Those members in Prague who whould like to meet or host people whould have selected the "receive digest of upcoming members" so they would receive my "upcoming guest" as with all other ads. Some of them would be intrigued and they will take a look on my profile and my comments and my forum posts etc. If they are interested they will write me a message thru the site (and that message should arrive promptly, without checking for spam).

I think the same would apply to people looking for accomodation, except that they could delete the "upcoming guest" when they already found a host place to stay ot they can leave it there while looking for a better host. No? Isn't it much more better? Isn't it more effective for both guests and hosts?

Also meetings in my opinion are very very important. In CS there is this lovely function that I think it's so cool and effective. Mostly members can write down a meeting with a place, title, directions, photo, summary, description and details, dates and times, confirmation status etc etc.

Maybe I would improve a little the way how meetings are posted to members, maybe each member should set a km range of meetings he would like to maybe attend and I would let people set freely the current place where they are, this to allow to be involved in meetings that are going to happen in that place even if they are just travelling there.

To summarize all my idea in few words, I would base more the system on the places (upcoming guests/visitors, upcoming meetings, etc) and less to direct emails to each member.

IMHO would be so nice for each member to have a main list (like "my ebay page") with upcoming guests who are planned to come at his place, upcoming hosts that are waiting for him, upcoming meetings which he is supposed to attend to and an other list of possibilities, with the upcoming guests/visitors and meetings in his city/area.

And I think that with these improvements (nothing to change, just to add) all the system would be less guest-centred but equally comfortable for hosts and guests, and for people that just would like to meet.

bikini pool parties for my 30th birthday.. :)

2008-02-22T09:45:00.008+01:00

For my 30th birthday I organized some bikini pool parties..
A little bit crazy idea, but on the 20th I was too young, and on the 40th I will be too old.. so..
A lot of friends from all over Europe made me the big surprise to come to visit and to party with me!
Here are some photos... the ones I can post publicly at least!

farewell to HC - the sad story and the good surprises

2007-12-04T15:32:00.006+01:00

Here is the sad story and the unexpected good surprises I found when I had my HC profile deleted.
Just for real lovers of gossips! :))

On Saturday November 24th, at 20:45, Veit Kühne, the founder and deus-ex-machina of the Internet hospex community Hospitality Club, while friends and friendly HC members were waiting him to starting a nice dinner party at a nice friends' house in Catania - Sicily - Italy, deleted the 4-year-old member "tommato", well known for having been one of the most active members in the Club, for having hosted more than 500 members and organized several local meetings.

Reasons for that? Unknown yet.
Public discussion? None.
Gossips and slanders? Lots.
Possibility to confute any accuse moved by malicious members against tommato? None.
Official statement from the HC management (=just Veit)? None.
There are several aspects of this event that are interesting to discuss and it will be my pleasure to keep You updated in the next days/weeks.

First of all I'd like to thank one-by-one the nice member who expressed support to me in the public HC forum: http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forum.php?action=DisplayMessage&StartMessageId=218913

Of course I write here, as I am banned from all HC, included the Forum.

First of all, to Davide (HC:daviderivi), young HC member from Palermo, who evidently doesn't know yet the backgrounds and the hidden interests of HC and of the other hospex communities, and naively wrote the original post in the forum. Thanks Davide, I am sure You'll get the answers to Your doubts sooner or later, as well as You'll know how HC really works. I would have liked to keep naive as You, Davide, but HC had awaken me up about many many things...

Thanks dear Giulio (HC:giulioleone), unforgettable ex flatmate, dear friend, met through common HC friends with whom I introduced him to HC and CS. You say correctly, Giulio, in Venice it will be much more hard. Nobody that I know that can host groups of families of 3 or more people. Nobody that I know that regularly hosts couples. Some big problems for guys too, a part of who has the guts to ask "massimobellemo" and accepts mistreatments by him while being his guest.
Strangely HC and CS don't have any place to show people who didn't find any available host in a city. We planned to so smth like this with Tiziano, Giuseppe and Maurizio of HCSVeneto but HCSVeneto seems currently even more dead of HC and some of them, not surprisingly, turned against me.
One other point that You focus in Your post is very important: the friendships. HC was also a way to keep in contact with certain friends, let's say acquaintances, that You met in HC (or whom You introduced to HC) and You'd like to keep in touch with, maybe send an HC message sometimes, exchange comments and trust links. All gone.
HC is a social platform, I remember very well all our conversations about this. Before banning someone from such a platform, there should be clear rules and a process of "tutoring" of the problematic members.
I don't even need to say that I was surely respecting all the HC rules as outlined in the Rules page, being a 4-years-old member and knowing quite well these hospex communities.
We surely remember again that situation when some other Italian HC+CS members started a campaign against me, without knowing me in person and any personal reason, spending hours and hours (and money) in telephone calls, emails, chats, gossips gossips and more gossips and even somebody coming to meet and "interview" me (hey, "wings", do You still remember my cute girlfriend?)
You remember all the attacks, all the threatens from that "friendly" HC+CS member of our city, nice guy.. a bit too mad of wrestling, of using social dynamics to gain power and control people and of bossing on people, especially guests. Last time I met him, he was half drunk and he strongly pinched both my nipples (through the t-shirt) and said the usual insults. After that just threatens by long phone calls and sms. If he is reading here, I advice him to have a look to the new men-only gay sauna that was opened in my area, maybe he can have a bath and relax a bit. Some guests of mine went there and they liked it!

Dear Giovanni (HC:tiro), thanks for Your opinion and Your support. I am happy to give You an other little bit of my HC experience: Remember that everybody dies... ehm... remember that everybody can be deleted as well (except Veit, of course!!!). This I would like to tell also to who is crazy to create a beautiful profile with wonderful comments and lots of extr.pos. references (in CS). Remember that You can be deleted in the time of a snap. Without any explanation. Maybe some slanders from different people coordinated among themselves are enough.
Dear Giovanni, I never focused my mind of the monetary aspect of hospitality but I always lived it as a volunteering. Not agreeing on the way of managing such a big community and of using the contribution of many volunteers, I dedicated myself to the people who were traveling to Venice believing in this new revolutionary concept that is the hospitality exchange. I hosted amazing people recently, all people who really deserved my love and care in giving them advices, showing them the city, having nice dinners and parties. I don't give people a gratis/costless roof, I offer them to feel at home in Venice, to feel protected, cared of, to have all the infos to have a nice experience in their leisure travel or whatever other reasons bring them here.
All the people who didn't find a good host here, often I felt as it was my fault. Well, after being my profile deleted by Veit, now it's his fault. I really hope that there will be good HC members in Venice. Let's see.

Dear Lorenzo (HC:docgiupino), thanks for Your opinion. As usual we are not completely on the same tracks and You don't miss a chance to remember everybody romantic/sexual gossips about me. About that I am sure You will be happy to read my next posts here, I'm sure You'll be very interested. :))
You are hinting that the reason for the deletion of my profile is related to that, but there are no evidences of that yet. It can be related to the forum or other reasons too.
If it is like You imagine, it will be proved how gossips, slanders, and several campaigns (even if not based on anything real) can damage the "virtual reputation" of someone, till his death.
As usual, dear Lorenzo, if we are talking of HC spirit and which reasons someone meets and hosts people, I would like to focus people attention on the rate of female guests and other kind of guests (families, couples, guys, ...) let's say, for instance, of me and You. You don't mind if I take Yourself as an example, no? :))
I think that refusing male guests it's not in the HC spirit. Of course if someone is good-looking as You, adventures with guests can easily happen, but surely they won't hosting couples, families, guys, ... So why hosting almost just girls? Isn't it somehow connected with the underlying hope of an adventure or a relation? And what about having guests while our girlfriend is at home with us? I am usually hosting even more, and You? Just asking,ok? Btw, if I am not wrong we both had the last girlfriends from HC. Ex guests, am I wrong? :))
While You want to emphasize the normal situations when host and guest don't click completely? ust because You, good-looking and super-respectful (=passive), accept just the guests You have reasonable "extra" hopes in?
Btw, we both agree that the dangerous fingers in HC are others. I would introduce also an other category: "useful members", members who are active and host a reasonable member of guests according to the city they live in, without discriminations.

Dear Filippo (HC:filipek), thanks for Your words, I know You can't and You won't write more, having being beside Veit in the days when it happened. And, of course, keeping Your traditional diplomacy! A part of that, You are one of the nice people I met into HC and that I would like to meet in the future too. When You'll pass by Venice You are always welcome.
This is the reason why, egoistically, I can't do without HC, the great people I met in and the great friendships I made.

Ken (HC:uaflyer), Your post is as usual out of place and unuseful.
It's well known that You've been attacking me in several cases, nobody knows why, as we never met in real and people told You good things about me.
Despite Your arrogant and presumptuous behaviour, I communicated with You in bona fide and tried to explain You how things really were, but You weren't never receptive at all, being all focused in scold me and threaten ("advice") me as You were used to do in Your former life as policemen.
As far as I know You never been admin or volunteer and You just liked to display Your high friendships in HC and CS. I strongly doubt that You have any power and that the Veit's decision can be based just on the slanders about me You'd surely have forwarded him.
Nevertheless You say two interesting things:
- "develop a process that will result in a known process of restrictions"
- HC is Veit's and nobody else's at this time

Dear Magda (HC:magdok), dear ex guest, great friend, thanks for Your sincere words.
You saw during Your stays at my place how many people got together at my place, being hosted without discrimination, and so manu good friends we made.
People into HC is great, HC as a platform is full of gossips and without democracy. This is well-known for people who are into it since years. No surprise.
Yes, it's unfair, as You said. Unfair but Veit is not God, he can decide as he likes, fairly or not, this is his place. We all talk of the HC of our dreams, the reality is the HC that Veit created and is allowing us to use.
We discussed many times my new criteria in accepting guests and I am happy of Your useful suggestions. We discussed many times also my desire to step out HC and focus a bit more on my own life. And, as often I said that, as often I met some new amazing people I am proud to know and to be friend with. That's the egoistic reason why I was addicted to HC. The other reason I said above, it's part of my life to dedicate time and share what I have (space, time, house, knowledge, ...) with other people, it's a way to make the world better, to create wellness, happiness, to do some good things to contrast the evil that comes to us every day in our life.

Dear Carlo (HC:carletto), I agree completely with You on the definition of what is HC, the site of a young german guy..... The complaints You read on the thread before are in fact made mostly by new members, who are still following the sparkling concept that is shown on the front pages... so different the reality in the inner forum... etc...
I agree with You that the inactive or fake profiles should have had the priority on the "problematic" or discussed profiles like mine, and that the policy is to have as less trouble as possible, as there are not so much resources to handle problems and exceptional cases. Tommato counted one as any other user, even fake ones, evidently. :))
You are true that there are many other sly members, but if You still consider tommato sly, even after reading above here, should I maybe remember You that case when we had common guests and they were kissed by all other hosts except me and You? ;))
I kindly ask You to reconsider You opinion on tommato as a sly HC member, also because the only reasons to do so are prejudices, gossips and slanders.
After all, You hit the nail, Carlo, HC is Veit's place and nobody else.

Dear Mauro (HC:mauroguru), who ever mentioned a sexual abuse? Why not mentioning a murder or a theft so? Mentioning to something is like hinting at it, so be careful with Your words, naive people can believe to the most light gossips and spread them with the biggest effort.
I agree 200% about one of the biggest defect of HC and other hospex communities: gossips.
HC is losing his position and, despite HC has a historical big user base, lots of users are disilluded, seeing the user interface not improved since years, volunteers resigning every week, ..... I believe that alternatives and concurrency is always a plus, so I wouldn't like HC to die. But if it's only in Veit's hands.... Let's see!

Dear HC:giorginio, You are right, I was a very active member and I am still very active.
In the last months I decided for myself a limit of 5 new guests every week (=20 new guests a month) but before I had also up to 14 guests a night and I was hosting approx 50 people a month. The vast majority of times it was great. People is great.
You are right on everything, also in recommending other people not to make suppositions.
For Your (and other people curiosity), I didn't receive any intimation from HC management and I don't know yet why Veit decided like this. I know that there were certain people leading campaign against me and solicitating other members to write complains about me, these people are old-time "enemies" and they promised me to make me deleted from HC as well as from CS.
They should be happy now. But I can't let the evil win, can I? :))

Dear Michele (HC:liwa65), thanks for Your words, that I am am reading, indeed, as the forum is public. I received Your support and I appreciate it. This is just one of countless mistakes that can be done managing a huge community as HC. I don't blame Veit for doing so, it's a really hard job and I can understand such big pressures he can have been object of.
I will be happy to meet You Michele. Can I ask You hospitality next time I come to Rome, even if I am not anymore HC and CS member? ;)

HC:alessiof says on forum that he saw personally an email where I was promising to a prospect female guest dinners in good restaurants, "bella vita", ... Alessio, would You be so kind to specify whom are You talking about? I can assure You that I don't go to luxury restaurants by myself, why should I go with guests? Btw, don't offer guests dinners out (as other members do) for two obvious reasons:
1) it would be impossible, with my high number of guests
2) I don't want to impress anybody with money and free benefits
If a guest becomes a friend, of course I can offer him/her a dinner, as well as I suppose that he/she would offer me an other time.
So, Alessio, please no other slanders and gossips, if You can.

Rita, HC:loops, finally takes the opportunity of a thread just to me dedicated on the HC forum to express the reasons of her antipathy toward me and I feel relieved to read that I never did anything bad to her (differently than what "massimobellemo" maliciously stated) and it's all about different opinions. I agree with her, we have very different mindsets and very different attitudes toward life. And I am a very atypical italian and she is, in my opinion, a very good model of nowadays' Italian girl, so....
Thanks Rita for your farewell words, one day we'll be friends, maybe, who knows, still is good to be fair since now.
About the hypothesis that the removal of my profile is to be charge to the comments received, I doubt there is something more...
And good you say, no trust is to be given to comments, good or bad ones, many many times we see lovely "extremely positive" comments/references by people that just met for a drink and, what a coincidence, there are some people, maybe common "friends", who threaten others since they leave the desired "extremely positive" thing. :))

Mauro, I love you when you play the wise man!
Yes, "there are countless members in HC who have extremely bad behaviors, way worse than tommato".
On one side you notice that I accepted the cross-examination, the dialog. On the other side you think I made myself deliberately too much visible and so I chose myself to have sooner or later my profile deleted.
I agree perfectly with your analysis! My hope was that Veit or the others who care of the growth of HC (and not just use it to save hostels' money or meet new people) would have outlooked my profile as an example of a very active member, let's say a beta tester, a heavy user who lives all the features of the club.
I wrote down several analysis about defects of the hospex sites and proposals of fixing it, but evidently the bosses were busy in other more important stuff... (camps? collectives? orgies?...)
And, to confirm your words, I never said that I am a saint but else I can say easily that I have so many opportunities of fun and more... that I am way less dangerous of someone who has few guests a year, is less experienced and maybe put all his expectations on those few guests...
As said, no expectations of guests = all good surprises = happy hosting!

On december 5th 2007, not having answered to my mails yet (and he didn't yet so far at february 22nd when I am updating this page), Veit close the thread on the HC forum writing:
"tommato was clearly a very high profile member, so we knew it would generate some discussions when the Abuse Team took the decision to remove him as a member.
Regardless, he did something that we cannot tolerate from any member, so the decision in the end was quite clear."
Dear Veit, as you probably noticed I wrote you several emails and I tried to initiate some chats on MSN, not having any answer. I don't feel begging you for an answer but I need to state for others that I don't have any idea of what are you referring to and I would be so glad to know.
On a general level, I am quite sure my behavior was always correct and I didn't anything so bad into HC. I would be curious also to know how can you be sure that what evidently other people told you about me corresponds to the truth.
I respect you as "deus-ex-machina" of HC, or better say that YOU are HC, so, since HC is managed in a so blind and so unwise manner (not talking of the huge problems you have with volunteers and software development), I am proud of not being a member anymore.
The only problem is for the naive people that believe in what you state on the homepage, all this concept of global friendship, cultural understanding, etc.. They believe in that and when finally they can get membership, they found lots of bad members, fake profiles, "spider members" (the inactive ones that just host or meet people they like specifically... eg girls), people who use HC to "fish" other people... I strongly believe that if this is normal human nature, we should counterbalance this with a lot of good ideas, good opportunities, just make life easier to people who has good aims and a bit more difficult to who has bad intentions. I thought that was possible to make HC a small world of good people and good feelings, but seems you don't care so much. Ok. Good to know. I know. Few people know. The rest believe on what's written on the HC homepage, that's way different.

22.02.200
I would like to update my fans of what happened in the last months of my life "after HC".
At first I didn't bother so much, I was busy with my job, some family projects, my new wonderful girlfriend, organizing my 30th birthday, guests already planned, ...

Lately I noticed 3 side effects:

1) less time spent in answering hundred of emails and more time to live and focus on my own life goals, that's way much better, believe me... (HC is a bit time consuming if you are an active host in a busy city like Venice)

2) lost of contact with some great friends I met in HC. example this email I received:
I have been to Venice 2 weeks ago.... didn't find your contacts then and didn't write you. What happened? I always was sure i can write you by HC but you are not there anymore. Are you tired of hosting? A.
Yes, dear A., the time of hosting random people is over, now I host just friends, known people, special people I feel having something in common with... and I let more space to the other HC members in Venice (are there any growing up?). But if HC was a real community for friendship, it shouldn't have avoided you, that are among the hundreds people who met me and trusted me, to contact me again. Fortunately I am on facebook now.. :))

3) doubts from HC/CS members, example follows:
a Californian lesbian girl, control freak, travelling with her gay friend: "oh well if you're not even on CS anymore that's not very safe for us, is it? why aren't you anymore on CS?"
Do you guys really think I can explain to these people all the story? They would get confused anyway and they would think "better a host with less drama" :))
So, after all, is this deleting profiles giving a good service to the hospex community?
It's instilling new doubts and new polemics, that's the beginning of a vicious circle, as I said in previous posts.

As said before, I am proud to be a heavy beta tester of the hospex communities, so Veit, Casey, programmers, ... take into account these experiences (that you of course never lived) and try to make a good service to your members.
As Ken said, a good idea could be "a known process of restrictions".
Deleting profiles is to easy and too weak at the same point.

---------
06.04.2008 Update
Veit Kühne publishes his mobile number everywhere on Internet, on his site, on facebook, on various pages.
Despite I have no intention to be an active HC member anymore, I still hope in accountability and transparency and I decided to write him a text message. Here is the text: "Veit,do you think time is came to tell me what info made you decide to remove my HC profile?How can you be sure it's truth and not slander? Gute Nacht! tommato"
The message was correctly delivered and I received the delivery notification.
Didn't get an answer yet, neither by text message nor by email or IM.
Do you think I should wait some more?
Or maybe transparency is just a dream into HC?
Be assured, if I get an answer, I'll let you know, guys.

Some funny hospex requests...

2007-12-03T18:51:00.004+01:00

Receiving lots of emails and requests I became quite quick in analyzing and somehow classifying them. I find very useful also to read again the email/chat communication with past guests right after their stay, to understand some underlying schemes, to learn from past experiences, to recognize details, to know other kind of people after little interactions.

But there is a category of people that I really can't understand... :))

The unnecessary last minute requests.

Here are few excerpts from real emails or SMS (there are even better but I can't find them right now):

"I wrote at least 5-6 people, and nobody answered me, so i thought it's impossible to find anybody (maybe there aren't free places)"

"Sorry to bother you, but we are quite desperate, since nobody from Venezia answered us yet."

"I will really appreciate it if u can host me! Please help me!! It is really really difficult to find a host in Venice!!"

The common underlying concept is: I wrote to many other people and nobody answered, so now I am writing you too, as I didn't like to write you at first, you are a second level choice..

There is also the same thing not just among hosts but also among hospex communities:

"But our problem is that we cannot find any host in whole Venice. we already tried with CouchSurfing but there are only a few people from Venice. :( I think you are used to this problem... that's why I decided to sign up at Hospitality Club quickly."

And, best of the best, the super-last-minute request:
SMS at 2am for the same night:
Hey tom, isn't there place for us two at your place tonight? heheheh tomorrow morning we'll be back to Milan because it's cooooold and now there's nothing more to do here! Thanks! Ciao! Sorry for the urgency!
What a pity that I was sleeping (strange on 2am of a working day, no?) and that they shown up unexpectedly at my place at 9pm and they didn't say anything about place to stay overnight...

Sometimes I think that the strangest people feels attracted by HC/CS, sometimes I think that people is all strange.. anyway...

Nice quote to remember...

2007-10-18T02:44:00.000+02:00

A very dear friend of mine, sweet girl, HC member, told me, regarding HC and personal connections and massages...

"I was virgin before knowing HC. All my sexual partners so far were HC members. I usually let my host give me a massage, then if I feel having more.. I turn on my back... ..."

The sad truth about gossips and weird comments

2007-10-10T18:41:00.000+02:00

I recently found a text talking so clearly about how gossip works and why people gossip.
Please take a look, it's just so true and so clear.
excerpts from "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz

Looking at everyday human interactions, imagine how many times we
cast spells on each other with our word. Over time this interaction has
become the worst form of black magic, and we call it gossip.

Gossip is black magic at its very worst because it is pure poison. We
learned how to gossip by agreement. When we were children, we heard
the adults around us gossiping all the time, openly giving their opinions
about other people. They even had opinions about people they didn’t
know. Emotional poison was transferred along with the opinions, and we
learned this as the normal way to communicate.
Gossiping has become the main form of communication in human
society. It has become the way we feel close to each other, because it
makes us feel better to see someone else feel as badly as we do. There is an
old expression that says, “Misery likes company,” and people who are
suffering in hell don’t want to be all alone. Fear and suffering are an
important part of the dream of the planet; they are how the dream of the
planet keeps us down.
Using the analogy of the human mind as a computer, gossip can be
compared to a computer virus. A computer virus is a piece of computer
language written in the same language all the other codes are written in,
but with a harmful intent. [...]
Human gossip works exactly the same way. For example, you are
beginning a new class with a new teacher and you have looked forward to
it for a long time. On the first day of class, you run into someone who
took the class before, who tells you, “Oh that instructor was such a
pompous jerk! He didn’t know what he was talking about, and he was a
pervert too, so watch out!”
You are immediately imprinted with the word and the emotional
code the person had when saying this, but what you are not aware of is his
or her motivation in telling you. This person could be angry for failing the
class or simply making an assumption based on fears and prejudices, but
because you have learned to ingest information like a child, some part of
you believes the gossip, and you go on to the class.
As the teacher speaks, you feel the poison come up inside you and you
don’t realize you see the teacher through the eyes of the person who gave
you that gossip. Then you start talking to other people in the class about
this, and they start to see the teacher in the same way: as a jerk and a
pervert. You really hate the class, and soon you decide to drop out. You
blame the teacher, but it is gossip that is to blame.
All of this mess can be caused by one little computer virus. One little
piece of misinformation can break down communication between people,
causing every person it touches to become infected and contagious to
others. Imagine that every single time others gossip to you, they insert a
computer virus into your mind, causing you to think a little less clearly
every time. Then imagine that in an effort to clean up your own confusion
and get some relief from the poison, you gossip and spread these viruses to
someone else.
Now imagine this pattern going on in a never-ending chain between
all the humans on earth. The result is a world full of humans who can only
read information through circuits that are clogged with a poisonous,
contagious virus. Once again, this poisonous virus is what the Toltecs
called the mitote, the chaos of a thousand different voices all trying to talk
at once in the mind.
Even worse are the black magicians or “computer hackers” who
intentionally spread the virus. Think back to a time when you or someone
you know was angry with someone else and desired revenge. In order to
seek revenge you said something to or about that person with the
intention of spreading poison and making that person feel bad about himor
herself. As children we do this quite thoughtlessly, but as we grow older
we become much more calculated in our efforts to bring other people
down. Then we lie to ourselves and say that person received a just
punishment for their wrongdoing.
When we see the world through a computer virus, it is easy to justify
the cruelest behavior. What we don’t see is that misuse of our word is
putting us deeper into hell.
and about gossips spread around by [ex] [girl/boy]friends:

Consider how many times you have gossiped about the person you
love the most to gain the support of others for your point of view. How
many times have you hooked other people’s attention, and spread poison
about your loved one in order to make your opinion right? Your opinion
is nothing but your point of view. It is not necessarily true. Your opinion
comes from your beliefs, your own ego, and your own dream. We create
all this poison and spread it to others just so we can feel right about our
own point of view.

Extreme way of waxing :))

2007-10-05T12:05:00.000+02:00

Different cultures, different uses.
Gringas like integrax waxing.. and they are very brave!

very unique way to Wax
Caricato da omurap666

Here is normal waxing...

Get Gigi bikini wax
Caricato da jeaninespirited

The reasons to belong to hospex networks and to be active in them

2007-09-21T17:05:00.000+02:00

quoting Lorenzo (HC:docgiupino) on the HC forum at http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forum.php?action=DisplayMessage&StartMessageId=160614

Senza essere politically correct a volte si ospita per:
- vedere un sorriso in una lingua straniera :)
- riempire il tempo senza accendere televisione o pc
- riempire il tempo stando al pc (e HC ti fa star tanto al Pc, se poi tanti
ospiti li senti via MSN o Skype)
- portarsi il mondo a casa visto che non sempre si puo' andare incontro al
mondo
- conoscere un sacco di gente, anche solo per 3 ore in un bar
- occupare in tanti modi il giorno e la notte, flirting o sesso inclusi, senza
false ipocrisie
- riempire degli attimi di vuoto che non ti va di avvertire
Ma alla fin fine, uno dei motivi piu' grandi è quello di sorprendere le persone
che ti circondano. Raccontando questa esperienza incredibile che dai piu' è
vista come una cosa irresponsabile e folle, ma che comunque alla fine desta
sempre un "però dai, che bello....." misto a curiosità e invidia.
Sorpresa perchè significa che qualcuno arriva a fidarsi di "estranei" senza
problemi.
Invidia perchè tanta gente non è capace di farlo.

Absolutely true. I fully agree with what he wrote.
I think that he found the right words and he wrote what we all think without any hypocrisy.
Doc for president!

Gossips and unrequested advices

2007-09-19T12:06:00.000+02:00

Here is the transcript of chats and emails among me and one well-known HC member.
Few names are fictionary.

The topic are the usual gossips, the deletion of my CS profile and his boasted HC/CS friendships.
Up to your evaluation.

30 Jan 2007 13:53 HC message received
Ciao-
I am aware of your threads on CS and am aware of you for a few years in fact.
I don't need to tell you anything except just be careful when somebody here says no on HC.
CS doesn't really do much if someone complains.
But you should be aware that if someone on HC complains they will delete your profile.
I don't think you are a bad guy, actually kinda funny.
Take Care

30 Jan 2007 14:36 my reply, HC message too
Ciao
Don't say superficial things, you don't know anything of me yet. You just heard rumours.
Read the 130+ good comments, think that I host also couples, families and guys and that I host a lot even when my gf is here with me.
By the way I know many of the high level HC admins.
I don\'t think they will delete a so active member.
Can you explain me "just be careful when somebody here says no on HC"?
Even if I speak english quite fluently that doesen't make any sense.
Tom

2 Feb 2007 11:08 another HC message from Paul
Your admins and your comments on HC will not protect you from any actions taken in response to complaints.
I or anyone else doesn't need to know you.
Also realize the CS threads are being taken into consideration.
So as a friendly warning, you need to find a way try not to upset anyone for a while.
Take this anyway you want, but I can tell you your situaiton is being discussed well above your friends now.
As I noted, I wouldn't want to see you go away and you have been good to these sites in most ways. Just try not to upset people, especially women for a while.
Cheers, Paul

2 Feb 2007 14:02 my reply, also HC message
Don't bother me with your assumptions.
You don't know anything and you say bullshit to me.
First listen, read, get informed and ask my opinion.
"well above your friends"
Well above my friends there is just Veit.
They talk with him directly.
So... what are you referring to?
By the way, I don't upset women. The comments I got from women are for other reasons, retaliation, jealousy, polemic, rumours but never anything personal especially sexual.
I don't really understand why you bother bothering me.
Is it a subtle way of threatening me?
For what?
Can I gladly know who are you and what is your power?
"So as a friendly warning"
"I wouldn't want to see you go away"
I don't have to be threatened by you or anyone, as I know how I behave and it's always 100% correct.
Write me just for serious reasons, else I would signal you to the abuse team and write a comment on your profile.
Behave in HC, HC is about free accommodation and international friendship, not about power games among members.
Tom

02/02/2007 13:10:55 -> 13:59:41 MSN chat
P: Hi
T: hello Paul
P: you are lucky yo do have friends in Bologna that like you
T: I think everybody who knows me in real likes me
P: its a lot of my opinion of you beyond the threads and comments
T: people who just heard rumors they have prejudices
P: well, lets face it
P: you will not be deleted on HC unless someone really pushes it
P: so you will want to stay away from Shannon
T: who is Shannon?
P: Veit has deleted others I suggested, but they actually committed crimes or hurt people
T: how can you associate me to anybody who committed crimes?
T: how do you dare to talk like this to me?
P: I can't associate you with them
P: I am telling you I do not think you are bad
T: so don't even mention them
P: and you have contributed a lot to both HC and CS
T: especially in this difficult city
P: you need to understand that there are people who really went too far and are gone
T: well... I know many dangerous members and they are still there
T: even fake profiles are not deleted
P: But listen, you really worry a lot of people
T: ok listen Paul, because of gossips
P: Casey, Veit and others, so try to keep it low key and be more careful
P: its not gossip
P: its accepted as fact now
T: AS
T: but you did talk with people who met me
T: who is this Shannon you are referring to?
P: paperetta
T: paperetta
T: I know her. what is the problem?
P: I have spoken to enough people yes,
P: I don't disagree its okay to try
T: did I try with Shannon? :-O
P: but just realize that the more people you host, the more that will be there and not like how you are
P: so accept it
P: no, but you are irritating her now
P: just stay away from her., no contact at all
T: I am not having any contact with her
T: just because I am busy with other stuff
T: I never had so much contact
P: try to keep it that way
P: if you run into her, you need to apologize to her
T: hey you are annoying me
T: why you tell me what to do?
T: I speak it out
T: who are you to say that?
T: is that a threat?
T: are you her lawyer?
T: as far as I know there is no problem at all with Shannon
P: I can tell you this, you are giving me a very stubborn opinion and understand I will pass this on to others
P: as they have to me
P: gossip or whatever you want to call it can hurt you on the Internet and most certainly on CS and HC
P: she wrote a thread in the help section about you
T: but why do you menace/threaten me before asking or getting to know?
T: it's not about me!!!! :D
T: it's a bout an other guy!
P: its about you
T: hahahah
T: nooooooooooooo!
T: hehehe
P: anyway, on CS I don't really know what they will do
P: I don't think they should keep that note in your profile forever
T: they already deleted my profile dude :D
T: I don't give a shit on CS
P: but they came up with that cause I told them to
T: honestly it's not democratic at all
P: what ?
T: they should have at least noticed me
P: I didn't know that
T: wait
T: I show you one thing
P: they told me they wouldn't delete you
T: Paul, who are you? why do you talk as you are so important?
P: I just know a lot of people okay
T: me too okay
T: I know many people who talk directly to Veit and Casey
T: and, said honestly, I don't have good opinion on both guys
P: good for you.,
T: but I don't know them personally
T: so I wait to have a definite opinion
P: but i can tell you neither one is thinking very positively of you
T: but they neither know me
T: they know "tommato"
P: it doesn't matter
T: who cares, Paul
P: they need to worry about their websites
T: I am having great friends met thru HC and CS
T: it has been great
P: of course
T: I had 3 great love stories
T: true love
P: just try to listen
T: no, YOU LISTEN
T: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
P: it would be very sad if HC did something to you
T: it is ok?
T: this is a threaten
T: Paul, I am seriously considering writing a comment on you
P: its friendly advice., not a threat
T: you shouldn't threat people
T: HC is not for this
P: I think you should complain about me yes
T: why should I?
P: and then i can have them make this a wider discussion
T: I wanted to show you one thing
T: http://www.couchsurfing.com/group_read.html?gid=430&post=91794
P: I saw this a few weeks ago
P: I am sorry they deleted your profile
T: who cares
T: there was a problem recently
T: girls came to me expecially for some naughty experiences
T: and it was bas, coz my gf got very angry with them
T: happened even 4 times of girls who hitted on me in front of my gf
T: CS people is generally more wild than HC
P: thats too bad
T: I had one girl flashing her tits to me during NYE party
T: even if my gf was there in the other room
T: and recently one girl came into my room at night
T: and asked me "is this your room?"
T: then "may I sleep with you?"
T: so straightforwardly
T: :(
T: and one American recently woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me "do you know some goodnight stories?"
P: they asked
T: yes
T: I was already sleeping on my own
P: it could be worse things
T: one american asked me to see (and try) my uncutted dick
T: (un-circumcized)
P: I hope things get better for you
T: Paul, HC and CS, as the world is full of good and bad things
T: I got wonderful friends forever in HC and CS
T: mostly HC
T: because CS, being more "Americanized", is more superficial and ...
P: I do think CS deleting your profile was not the right way to go and Casey told me last year he didn't think deleting anyone was the right thing to do
T: anyway look FAMIGLIAAMICA
T: the problem started by that
T: it's a italian woman with two children
T: honestly she is crazy
T: I had to write a negative reference to her, even being soft and sweet
T: she got mad and changed her reference from ext. pos. to ext. neg reference
T: actually her original extr. pos. ref. was for inviting me to write back to her a extr. pos. too
P: she isn't the only crazy one either
P: there are a few nuts on both sites
T: can you imagine that she left my toilet full of sh**t
T: I mean, all over the tablet
T: she was fighting with police while here in Venice
T: and telling me every day that she had to spend 120 euros every day
T: etc etc
P: well, if I see Casey again I will see if he will be willing to bring you back
[...]
T: good for you
P: not so good always
T: I honestly like different people of you and Casey
T: you two too much Americans for my taste
T: nothing personal
P: well, Casey is different
T: you cultural difference
T: Casey got his lucky-train
P: I lived in Europe and Italy before
T: CS brought him lot of fun
T: money
T: girls
T: white powder...
T: good for him
P: yeah, those are problems
T: I am a healthy person
T: I am vegan
T: ecologist
P: he doesn't do coke, just pot sometimes
T: how can you know? ;)
P: [...], I can tell
T: I dunno if I would have enjoyed orgies if I was at his place
P: I see him enough to know what the effects are
T: anyway he got his lucky moment and used as he thought better
T: I don't agree with Collectives
P: I don't like the collectives either
T: I don't like HC camps too
T: it's a flirt/drink/shag/xcng tent every night game
P: Casey is not a bad guy, just doesn't know what to do sometimes
T: and also a easy-comment place
P: but its what HC is focused on is camps
T: yes, probably he doesn't know and he's young and American and get ruled by Heather and other gals
P: so you can go or not go, its up to you
T: I don't go
P: yes, Heather rules
T: but as you see, comments of people met in a party or met for several days in it's own house have the same level
T: comments of fresh members or not has the same level
T: the funny thing is that that lady had to delete her profile for too many bad comments
T: and recreated two new ones
P: well not really
T: but her retaliation comment on my profile remained
P: let it rest if you can
P: its kinda bad situation now
P: it should get better over time
T: I am just telling that the system is not working correctly
P: there is no perfect system
T: I hoped too that she would get better experience after experience
P: but both HC and CS believe in comments.
P: on Cs almost 100%
T: at the beginning I was not perfectly tuned too
P: that women is crazy, its pretty clear from her comments
T: I didn't have a straight HC mentality
T: came that girl who wanted to see my uncut dick
T: I did show
P: I would too ;)
[...]
P: but anyway, just try to be careful on HC
[...]
P: cause I am hoping things improve for you
T: things are perfect now
T: I am in love and I just give friendly accommodation to people
P: great
T: do you know that I host also guys, families and couples?
P: maybe you can describe that better in your profile
P: I know
T: if you see the comments of those who attack me on the forum
T: well... they have mostly hosted girls
T: and they meet guys at meetings
T: doesn't this sound strange to you?
P: as I have told you from the start, I don't think you are bad
T: you started wrongly, IMHO
T: why expressing opinions and "warnings"
P: I didn't need to start at all
T: if you talk with me you have opportunity to TALK
T: DIALOGUE
T: =talk and listen
P: I just would be unhappy if you were gone
T: why?
T: I have also my life
P: because although you are arrogant as hell. you do good things for HC overall
T: I thought many times to give up HC and CS
T: you are definitely more arrogant than me
P: and I know people who have met you and they do like you
T: but I can excuse you, Americans are arrogant :D
T: do you know one single person who have met me in real and doesn't like me?
P: well this arrogant American contacted you to help you, and I didn't need to do that at all
P: well, yes
T: why do you think that I need help?
T: isn't this arrogant itself?
P: but I have not met them myself as the ones who like you
P: I have worked on the HC site for over 2 years now, why do you think i contacted you
T: you met Andrea from Bologna, right?
P: yes
T: worked=?
P: and a few others
P: its not important
P: just please try to avoid problems as you can.
T: again warnings
T: you are really arrogant
T: are you an admin?
T: a volunteer?
P: this discussion is over
P: be best and take care
T: who was this "person who have met me in real and doesn't like me?"
T: hehe you see how democratic yourself you are?
T: you speak as you are more important than me
P: I don't want to discuss this any more
P: good bye
T: this behaviour is completely inappropriate
T: in Italian is called "throw the stone and hide the hand"

04 Feb 2007 2:35:42 I posted in the HC forum
@ Paul
I agree with your concept of the "self help" of the community.
I didn't like your personal emails to me full of "warnings" and full of
recommendations, but afterwards we had a chat on MSN and more-or-less we
exchanged some opinions and facts, even if I still don't like your approach.
I want to say it openly and clearly, to avoid other people to do the same
mistake as you, Shannon is surely not referring to me.
Beware of prejudices, Paul, not everything bad happening in Venice is because of
tommato! :))

5 Feb 2007 17:08, my reply always HC message
Paul, I am very disappointed of your behaviour.
Not just you dared to send me that harsh email and later talk very arrogantly and presumptuously.
You boast about your HIGH friendships into HospitalityClub and CouchSurfing. I don't know how true it is and honestly I don't care.
Instead I wanted to point out that your behaviour is really not appropriate.
Shannon wrote on the HC forum:
------------------------------
[...] @Paul; please stop to send me private messages regarding Tommato life.
Even though I think Tommato is kind of "Casanova" [...] he is not
dangerous and I think he doesn't deserve what you are doing.
I don't care about Tommato life, I don't care what is going on on CouchSurfing
and I'm not interested to have all the details of his life, in gossiping.
So please stop it!
------------------------------
How can you dare to talk about me?
You don't know anything about me!!!
You never met me in person.
You are spreading gossips about me and threatening me.
WHY?
Send me copy of the private messages you sent to Shannon to let me see what you wrote. Else I will ask her and she'll probably send me. Or I will just ask to the abuse team.
I will check my email at tonight at midnight CET and see your explanations. If they will be not valid, you declared yourself the war to me.
You challenged me, Paul, and even in the worst way, threatening me and slandering about me behind my shoulders.
I send this message in copy to some of our common friends and important HC members who know both of us, to let they know what is going on.
I am ready to forward also the previous email you sent me and the whole text of the chat.
Also as you see it's an internal HC message, so it's tracked, don't even dare to write a slandering comment on my profile with more gossips or defamation/calumny.
I am just giving you the possibility to explain me why you are slandering/calumniating me in private messages to other users. Make good use of this possibility, Paul.

17/02/2007 12:32:43
T: Paul, you didn't answer my HC message
T: as I see you don't answer when you have to admit your faults

19/09/2007 12:21:43 -> 14:34:55

T: Paul, I am going to post on my blog our chat
P: why can't you just let it rest
T: it was in February
P: I thought you were doing very well
T: it rested enough
T: I think you threatened me
P: things changed since then
P: I told you many many times. I was not threatening you
P: if you want to keep thinking that, I cant help it
P: it was not my intent
T: so you still think I need to behave?
P: anyway, nothing has happened and you still are really great host
T: why didn't you reply my HC messages?
P: actually no, I think you don't need change anything
P: cause it was so far away from any understanding and I was highly insulted
P: its too hard to talk with you
P: can you see any benefit I get from communicating with you ?
P: I did want to point out that everyone appreciates you hosting so many people and over a very long time
P: frankly I am pleased you are still around and hosting
P: I can tell you further, many spoke of you at Camps this summer
P: nobody said anything bad at all
P: and overall, everyone appreciates you host so much
P: more than anyone
P: just so you know, I don't talk with Casey any more. he is angry at me about other things
P: and I don't really talk to Veit either, last time I chatted with him was after he came back from India
P: I don't really care in the same way either. you taught me to get involved, even making compliments is a losing effort
T: so, at the camps people talked of me?
P: not by name
T: mmmh?
P: but people say " This Italian guy in Venice"
P: but nobody says something bad
P: more like example where some people get upset, but host is not a bad person either
P: came up at least 3 times this summer
[...]
P: I can even tell you I messaged Casey and told him it would be wrong thing to delete you and give you a chance
P: but that was long ago now
P: different people handle these things
T: I would like to have my CS profile back
T: just because people tell bad things about it
P: its a lot harder now
T: as if I was removed for my bad behaviour
T: and this hurts a lot my girlfriend
T: you know that things went differently
P: I think you can return eventually
T: as I know people still gossip so much about me
P: one guy who was deleted is back now after a year
P: everyone talk about others
P: its part of being a human
T: yes, it's common
P: as far as your profile
P: it seems you can try to go back after 1 year
P: rachel in New Jersey runs the whole thing
P: I am not popular with CS leadership
P: cause I have given them hell about security problems and ambassador program
P: I am probably close to getting deleted myself
T: they delete for dis-agreements
T: when they don't like people to speak up freely
P: I don't think for now you should contact Rachel
P: I think you can just try to create an account and see if it goes
P: I have not seen anyone deleted and re created though
P: you need to just make new identity
P: take a look at open couchsurfing and you will see some unhappiness
T: I know there are many
T: me and my friends believe that I don't need to create a new profile, because I don't have anything to be ashamed of
[...]
P: doing anything more would require private messages to be sent to CS and nobody wants to do that
T: I don't understand what do you mean
P: the process CS uses today to remove a user requires proof in writing
P: so they will not remove this guy
P: no matter what anyone says
P: it was all over a year ago now
P: there have been other things since, these sites are getting very big
P: so more problems, more work
[...]
P: I will try to meet you next time I am in Venice, whenever this might be
T: that's good
T: I am happy you changed your mind on me in the last months
T: you had very strong prejudices
T: and Shannon was not referring to me, on the forum
P: I didn't have bad prejudice about you
P: that's not worth going into
T: anyway, now it's better
P: she very much dislikes me now
P: so don't worry
T: you gave her and me un-requested advice
[...]
P: she didn't say anything bad at all
P: but so we can close this and be fair to you
P: I asked he if she felt you were dangerous and she said no
P: that's the headline
P: so from her answer I told Casey he should not delete you
P: but what happened later I was not very pleased with
T: Paul, Casey should not delete me even more if I was dangerous!!!
T: what happened later?
P: all those other forum post stuff
P: then you getting upset and so on
P: I am sorry you got upset
T: Paul, in that moment you felt warning me
T: but you had incomplete informations
T: and you were wrong
[...]
P: as I have said, it would be a dangerous and harmful thing for you to post
P: and regardless of what you feel
T: again you are warning me
P: but posting chat messages always gets people upset and more misunderstood
P: further, both Casey and Veit clearly view this as a very unfriendly thing to do
T: hahaha
P: just be nice
T: you know always the opinions of Casey and Veit
T: hehehe
P: I know very little though, its why I ask
P: all the time
T: Paul, the topic is over
P: read through open couchsurfing
P: thank you ;)
P: Keep Hosting though., everyone needs you
P: sometime though, please tell me what comment you were referring to. I see nothing strange
T: from enyask
T: and lovelynetty
P: enyask was being nice
T: nice??? it's pure delirium
T: still she was with her friend 16 days at my place and she didn't tick the trust checkbox
P: its creative humor
P: I think netty's comment is good.
P: she obviously read ealier comments
P: I think now you are attracting curious people
T: yes, exactly
[...]
P: http://www.couchsurfing.com/statistics.html can you see this ?
P: CS should be bigger than HC soon
T: who cares?
P: its good to see more people
P: more problems
[...]
P: but people on these sites will get drunk and do stupid things. not much different than in a hostel or college
P: things get better inside the site, cause they must
T: especially in CS there is the way "let's meet, drink, have fun, and maybe sleep together"
T: party people
P: it happens, yes
T: they don't even have the courage to show that they like someone without alcohol
P: haha
[...]
T: but they drink because they want not to be responsible of what they will do after
P: this part, I dunno
P: to be honest
P: all hosts and guests I have been with. I had to say lets go to a bar
P: young people drink though
P: but most of my hosts and guests are older
P: I would agree with saying in the beginning on CS it was about party
T: I know many people hosts/guests who mutually agree to have intimate contacts after while drinking
T: seems a ritual
T: meet, drink, sex
P: young people are open
T: some girls arrive here and they don't ask about the city, they ask where is the closer place to buy beers
P: people on hosting sites are open
T: can you believe?
P: I believe it :D
P: its common
[...]

Trolls, personal attacks and disturbing posts in the forum

2007-09-19T10:34:00.000+02:00

One of the most powerful and most disturbing tools of the hospex communities is the forum.
Not immune of defects... Take a look for instance at
http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forum.php?action=DisplayMessage&StartMessageId=204923
Unfortunately forums are often populated by trolls (http://curezone.com/forums/troll.asp).
Seems that some people are always in pessimistic and troll mode (like HC:dangaroo, vikingbeard, ...) and some just sometimes (HC:docgiupino, genova, ...).
A good tool of HC (unfortunatelly not available in CS) is the possibility to see all the forum posts of one user.
Just go on the profile and, on the left side, after trustees, guests, hosts and trusted, you will find "Forum posts by ...", click there and you'll see. So you can spot trolls immediately.
The doubt is what to do with part-time trolls, if to consider them or not.
Still the fotums are a great source of informations, exchange of ideas and tool for organizing meetings and asking last minute help to the friendly HC/CS members.

Comment/Reference system in HC and CS

2007-09-19T10:27:00.000+02:00

Very discussed topic.
Take a look for instance to:
http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forum.php?action=DisplayMessage&StartMessageId=100575

National stereotypes

2007-09-19T10:16:00.000+02:00

Funny but interesting thread in HC forum. Take a look!
http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forum.php?action=DisplayMessage&StartMessageId=159927

Different kinds of body contact in greetings

2007-09-19T09:43:00.000+02:00

Useful HC forum thread, interesting topic, correct placement into HC forum, nice behaviour of HC members posting just to provide informations. Not to miss!
Take a look!
http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forum.php?action=DisplayMessage&StartMessageId=163175

Reply percentage in CS

2007-09-19T08:04:00.000+02:00

quoting Peak (HC:thelittlevoice) at the HC forum
http://secure.hospitalityclub.org/hc/forum.php?action=showpost&IP=204323

"One thing that really bothers me about CouchSurfing is that some people take the
reply percentage seriously...and sometimes in a wrong way. I remember writing to
one person like 6 months ago if he could perhaps host or meet me. I just got a
reply a few days ago saying he needed to get his percentage up so he
replied...nothing else in that message.

I also got a few messages...they are definitely not looking for a couch, just
for a 'chat' but yet they chose an option to write as surf with me because they
wanted an answer badly.

The idea of having a reply percentage is good but unfortunately a lot of people
abuse it too. This is one of the reasons I prefer HC than CS. You get an answer
here because they want to reply out of their good hearts but with CS you get a
reply because they want their percentage up.

A Turkish student in Hungary...

2007-09-18T11:13:00.000+02:00

My friend Emre (HC:emreb), very nice guy and amazing cook of Turkish recipes, told me also one of the funniest stories about myths of Italians abroad. He guarantees that it's a true story.
Here you are, a bit amplified by me for the sake of fun!

A Turkish guy, let's call him Murat, went to Hungary for 6 months of exchange studies.
Being in such a paradise full of blonde and sexy girls, he desired more than everything to have a relationship with a Hungarian girl. Somehow it was a bit difficult for him to get closer to Hungarian girls, many friends but nothing more. While he was wondering why it was so difficult, he decided to try some tricks, first of all, he decided to use the fame of Italians as good lovers... so he started introducing himself to new people he meets as Mario from Rome. :))
People easily believed he was Italian, due to the mediterranean appearance, and anyway he learnt from a conversation book few Italian words like "Ciao" or "Grazie", in case of necessity.
Everything goes well and, in few weeks, he got a wonderful brand new girlfriend, Aniko.
Time passes quickly and everything goes well, he was feeling really like in heaven. :))
One day, damn it, Aniko came with a worrying news: - "Mario, darling, you know what? Doro, my good friend from childhood, got a new boyfriend, he's Italian as you! Let's organize a dinner so you guys can talk a bit together!"
Ehm... Murat tried all the best excuses to avoid that dinner:
- "Baby, you know I came here in Hungary because I don't like Italy and Italians so much..."
- "Maybe he's from the South, you know we don't like the each other..."
- "Maybe he's for a different football team, it can be a big problem..."
No way, Doro was unmovable in her intentions. The dinner would have taken place, in one week time.
That week was the longest week for Murat. He was all the time with his beloved Italian conversation book, even missing lectures at University, and when dating with Aniko, he was really savouring every moment, as he was believing that at the dinner he would have been caught in his lie and all the good times would soon end abruptily. The night before the dinner Murat (or Mario) and Aniko made love so sweetly, Murat was thinking it was the last time and he really enjoyed every single moment. Aniko was so much in love with him and was happy to introduce his perfect Italian boyfriend to her long time friend Doro.
Mario was so sad to be forced to break up with Aniko, he decided not to give up and to try everything n his possibility and, more than the basic introductory Italian phrases, he learnt also how to say, as last chance: "please, please, don't tell the girls that I'm not Italian!!!"
Murat arrived at the dinner very very nervous but things seemd going very well. His last minute Italian language studies seemd sufficient and the introductions went quite well. But apart of that he tries to keep as much silent as possible, not to be caught by the Italian guy.
In the meantime the two longtime friends, Aniko and Doro, were talking among themselves in Hungarian:
- Look, so strange, they are not talkative at all!
- Yes, Doro, you're right... seems we got the only two italians who are no talkative.. :)))
Murat tried not to cross the Italian guy's eyes and when he saw the guy looking at him, he immediatelly lowered the eyes again to the menu of the restaurant he was pretending to read for so long time.
After this happening many times, Murat noticed that also the Italian guy was doing the same and started wondering why...
Then he looked at him once more, observed his face lines and all his aspect and, smiling, he said: "Abi sen de mi Türksün?" (You too are Turkish, huh?) :)))

tommato loves fish :P

2007-08-21T03:09:00.000+02:00

tommato loves fish, who ever would have told him that he'll meet a HUGE fish in Munich?
(ph. by Misha)

tomato and tommato :))

2007-08-21T03:07:00.000+02:00

tommato with a tomato or maybe tomato with a tommato?
do you see any difference?

tommato rides a (motor)bike

2007-08-21T03:05:00.001+02:00

2004, tommato rides his business partner motorbike and (fortunately) gets off before crashing it :))
(ph. by Puma)

Carnival 2007!

2007-08-21T03:02:00.001+02:00

how many future couples in this photo... guess how many... :))
Carnival 2007, St. Margherita square, Venice

Venetian Dolce Vita :))

2007-08-21T02:42:00.001+02:00

tommato in St. Mark square - Venice
(ph. by Veronika)

Deep cleanup and big laughs at 2am! :))

2007-08-21T02:06:00.000+02:00

21.08.2007

I was talking with my friend Bruno when comes one other guest and asks me if something in the bathroom is it normal.. What's there? Let's take a look... The water in the basin is not flowing out at all... In few seconds, voilà, here is the plumbers' team, Tom and Bruno (actually Bruno was mostly afraid of the scary tools used and the dirty stuff coming out, mostly hair and smth creamy attached to it... ) unblocking the basin... it was quite a funny moment actually, we all three laughing as crazy and waking up some other guests with our laughs... :))
After having read again "Three men on boat" by Jerome K. Jerome, I arrived to the nice conclusion that the hair, when it feels to be falling in the basin and flowing away in the pipe, has the tendency to try everything possible not to be dismissed and disappear forever, it hangs strongly to anything it finds along the way, included other fellow dismissed hair, all together they make a kind of protest and try to block the flow of the water...
They are just rebels, they just want to make hosts' life harder! :))
So, since you don't accept just bald guests, part of the house management is also to get rid of this rebel hair regularly... :))
Doing it with friends and laughing of it, believe me, it's much much better! :))